The Art of the Novel

It's almost December. Prague is getting all dressed up for the winter holidays, and putting extra blankets on the bed. That means it's the end of the line for all of us NaNoWriMo-er's out there. It's the home stretch, the last couple of days before this month of feverish writing, sleepless nights and nervous breakdowns ends with a silent turn of the calendar. And I feel confident in saying that I am going to finish this year, although I had more than a few moments where I quit.

But I didn't quit. And I actually learned something about myself! I learned that I am moody and I have very deep introspective thoughts and feelings of self doubt and feelings that I am a a complete and utter failure. I learned that I am a "real" writer. I am an artist.

I quit three separate times this month and each time I complained that there was no point to all of this, and why bother since no one will ever read the novel anyway. But I always went back. Why? Because I like to write. I have something to say. I actually cared about the stupid characters I had created. And I was NOT going to fail for an eighth time. Sure, my NaNo is probably pretty crappy, but at least I did it. I sat down and wrote 50,000 words of (mostly) coherent fiction in 30 Days. That is pretty bad ass. 

Being Alicia

I watch a show called "Being Erica". It's a Canadian show about a quirky and spunky young woman who is given the gift of time travel - within her own life - and the opportunity to go back and fix regrets. It's a silly show, but it's fun. I like the idea of someone on TV actually growing from their mistakes rather than repeating them again and again, season after season.

This season Erica is faced with the knowledge of her death. She is told when and where she is going to die and challenged with living in the present knowing what she knows. Does she change the way she lives and the choices she makes because she will die in five years? And of course, it got me thinking...

We make choices everyday, little choices and big choices. We choose to wake up and go to work. We choose to skip a day at the gym in order to spend time with our friends and family. We choose the burger over the salad, or perhaps we choose to take that shot at the bar Friday night and spend all of Saturday paying for it.

These are all choices. Most of them we make without even thinking. They are habits, or things that we no longer think we have a choice in but we do. We think, "I have to go to work." But do you? Do you have to? No, you don't. But the consequences are not worth the pleasure of a day off so most of us make the choice to go to work.

On the show, Erica has a moment of thinking that she'll just live with abandon since she knows she will die in five years. We have all had that thought, or played the "If you knew you would die tomorrow, what would you do?" game. But there was a twist - what if your choices shape and change your reality? What if you DON'T die in five years? Will you still be happy with the choices you made?

I think that life has to be a combination of seizing the day, and working for something bigger. Without something to dream about, without a goal we all get lazy. For me, I have always wanted to write a novel. Well, there's not time like the present. I am doing it. And even if it is crappy, I can check that off my bucket list. There is no reason for not accomplishing something you want other than you choose not to.

It all comes down to choices that YOU make. Don't like something? Choose differently. Feel fat? Put down the cookie and go for a walk. In a rut? Change something in your routine. Hell, five years ago I decided to change my life and move to Europe. Guess I can check that off my bucket list too. But I want more. What motivates me and keeps me going is the thought that at any moment, I can change my life.

Again. 

Of Harassment and Molestation

I am taking a break from my NaNovel to write about a little problem see emerging in the states. I guess this problem has always been there, but I thought that we had gotten to the point where we as citizens were not going to put up with it anymore. 

Herman Cain, one of the Republican Presidential hopefuls has been accused of more than one count of sexual harassment. He has settled out of court for some very large sums of money. Now that these facts have come to light he has gone from denial, to I don't remember to flat-out asshole. I can't believe that people in America are putting up with this. A man who has no respect for women has no business being our commander-in-chief. Sure, almost every President has had an extra marital affair or two, but that is between two consenting adults. Reaching your hand up a woman's skirt is a different story. That is uninvited and that is harassment. He should be hanging his head in shame rather than running for office.

And what about the Penn State child molestation/abuse scandal? How in the world did this happen? Powerful men with clout and good reputations knew they had a predator in their midst and decided to stay quiet. They failed to take any real action (read: call the cops, press charges, fire the asshole) and now the school is suffering for it. Not to mention the children that could have been saved this trauma. The cult of football reminds me a lot of the Catholic church and its views towards child abuse - tuck it under the rug and cover it up.

All of this is wrong and embarrassing. It is pretty simple, when you see a wrong being done it is not only your duty as a citizen, but your duty as a human being to do something about it. If you see a woman being harassed in ANY way, then be a human being and put a stop to it. If you know of children being hurt, then call the police. Period. Nothing should come before the safety of a child. nothing. The fact that a football association put itself before the safety of a child is worth being outraged about. the fact that Herman Cain is so pompous to think that he could get away with treating women the way he does and STILL be elected President is worth being outraged about.

And be outraged. Show your outrage at the polls and where your money is. Don't send donations to Penn State. Don't vote for Herman cain. Be a human being. 

My Man cover

Ok. This is just a little embarrassing, but oh well. Here is me singing one of my all time favorite songs fairly well. I made a few mistakes in the middle section, but decided to leave them in because quite honestly I didn't feel like doing it twice. And perfection is overrated, right? So, you get what you pay for and since it's free, be happy. I only ask that you feel the need to comment, please be nice.

My Man - here

http://youtu.be/Qf77qFJk5ts

In Which I stop Whining and Just Do it

I am a strong believer in the old adage that idle hands are the devils playground. I don't believe in boredom. I am a go getter. Sure, I sit and watch T.V.,  just like everybody, but I like to have some real hobbies as well. Just this weekend I purchased two new paint by number kits, a long forgotten hobby of mine. I also go to the gym, write this blog, play the ukulele and sing. That's a lot of stuff to keep me busy.

But not enough. Not for November. November for me means one thing: National Novel Writing Month. Those of you who know me know that I subject myself to this unique torture every year with varied results. The idea is to get all us writer types off our butts and get us moving, or writing rather. Participants have thirty days to complete a 50,000 word manuscript. It must be fiction and it must be a "new" idea. As in, you start actually writing on November 1. 

So, I have participated for 7 years (this is the 8th) and 7 times I have come up short. Yesterday I came to the only logical conclusion for this: I am a big fat quitter. But why? I'll tell you why. Friday night while I was writing my novel, my old as fuck computer overheated and I lost about 200-300 words. I was bummed. I decided the only thing to do was to quit. I started all the negative thinking that goes along with this type of situation. "Well, I wouldn't finish anyway, so why bother?" "It's stupid. Who is even going to read it? What a waste of time." "I'm not even a good writer."

So, I took a break. I sat down with a friend and watched some T.V., but I was still thinking about my story. Then my friend said something that clicked. "It makes you happy, right? So, that sounds like reason enough. You were pretty excited about this, so I think you should keep going."

He was right. The only reason I was ready to give up was because I knew I could do it. I was afraid of succeeding. I thought about it and realized that I have a pattern of sabotaging myself when it comes to new endeavors. I am scared of being successful at certain things. It's pretty fucked up because the things I am scared of being good at are the things I am best at - like singing and writing. If I had taken one or two opportunities that had come my way in the past, I might have a nice little singing career by now.

So I started thinking about my friend who lost two whole days worth of writing, (like 4000 words) and how she didn't give up. She kept on writing, and is still going for it. It's a tough challenge and there are days when you don't feel creative. But hell, if I can wake up and go to work everyday, go to the gym and find time to watch The Biggest loser, I can find time to finally shut up and just do it. I know I say this every year, but this time is different. 

This is the year. mark my words. Mark them!http://www.nanowrimo.org/