Language Barrier

I have lived in the Czech Republic for almost five years and I still can't read or speak Czech. Sure, I have some base knowledge. I can read a menu, say hello or recognise the occasional spoken word here and there, but I would never say that I speak Czech. 

Part of this is completely my own fault. I have not been very proactive in learning Czech. Back in 2006 we had very brief Czech lessons in my TEFL course. This was very basic beginner Czech and I recall being very frustrated and having a hard time with it. I think I gave up way back then. It doesn't help that most Czechs that I meet tell me not to bother since Czech is a difficult language to learn, and nobody else speaks it. I realized early on that I could get by with english and basic Czech phrases so I stopped trying.

On the other hand, I have a really hard time learning languages. I never took a language in High School, and even growing up in LA didn't help my spanish skills. When I moved to Mexico I was determined to learn spanish, but I ended up only staying there for four months so there was no need. When I came back to Prague I thought about taking a course, but ended up not doing it. My ex was often frustrated with my lack of Czech (since he is fluent) and never fully understood that even when I tried, I couldn't learn.

I think there are just some academic subjects of which some people are better at than others. I am no good with numbers or languages, but I am quite good with writing and literature. I don't know why. Back in college i even attempted to take Greek as a foreign language and realized quickly that I was in over my head. I got as far as the alphabet and gave up.

So here I am going on my fifth year in Prague and I still need help when I go to the post or to the Foreign Police. I should know more, but I don't. I plan on staying in this country at least another year, so I feel like I should give it another go. I just don't know if I want to put myself through the hard work and humiliation that is involved. I have watched my adult students struggle with learning english, and I gotta tell you - I don't envy them. Learning a language is hard. And if I am going to learn to do something hard, I think surfing is more up my alley. 

Is That a Scandal in Your Pocket?

I've always known that guys like seeing pictures of girls boobs. I bet if you ask any (straight) guy if he would be happy getting random boob pictures sent to him, he would say: Duh. But women are a little different. We don't want to see pictures of random dudes dicks. (There's a reason that it is mostly guys on Chatroulette.) I'll venture a guess that the rich and powerful females out there (Oprah? Michelle? Hillary?) don't go around taking vanity shots of themselves and sending them out to strange men. It is a bad idea no matter who you are, but it is career suicide for people in the spotlight, and for those in politics. 

Something must happen to a man when he realizes he is both rich and powerful. A brain  synapse must go off telling him that all women want him and that he is invincible. Nothing can touch him. If he has political power then what is stopping him from doing whatever he wants? Mistresses? Sure. Lewd photos? Why not. That is what the internet is for, right? I think Shakespeare got it wrong when he wrote, "Vanity, thy name is woman". Seems to me vanity has a new name - WEINER. 

Why do these men think they can get away with it in this day and age? Sure, back in the 50's and 60's it was a lot easier to have a quiet mistress, or an odd fetish or two. But not today. Today ANYONE who is in office, or married to someone in office... or who watchesThe Office is up for public scrutiny. Knowing this, why do the Weiners, the Chris Lee's and the John Edwards do it? Why take photos of your oiled pecs and throbbing... er... egos and flirt with the world? It's one thing to take the pictures in the first place. It's another thing to send them out - on the internet - where they will stay forever. And shame on us for watching. If we all decided not to pay attention to these attention seeking ass-hats, then I bet they would stop doing stupid shit.

Karaoke DO List

Ever since I wrote the post "Top 10 Songs NOT to sing at Karaoke", I have been getting the same question: WhatSHOULD I sing at karaoke? I will now attempt to answer that question. This won't be a list of songs, this will be more of a 'how to'. I will try to guide you through the karaoke labyrinth.

1. First Time? - I often get approached by some folks who want to sing, but have never braved the high seas of karaoke before. They want to know what to sing. That is a hard question to answer. I always say, sing something you know and like. But that can also lead to problems. Some people have some very questionable taste, and if it is your first time you don't want to get up there, sing your heart out and have people looking at you like you are from another planet. The best advice I have for first timers is - sing a song EVERYBODY KNOWS, and SOMETHING UPBEAT. Songs I would recommend for the newbie are:  Anything by the Beatles, Journey, or Bon Jovi. Try an 80's classic like "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves or something poppy like ABBA, Spice Girls or Ace of Base. Even if people don't like the song, they won't be able to help but sing along. Also, get really drunk. You will be more relaxed and you'll have more fun.
2. Know Your Audience - Once you have gotten past those first time jitters it's time to figure out what "your" songs are. And that depends on WHERE you are singing. When I was in San Francisco I had a heavy show tune repertoire. Here in Prague it's a little different. People here don't really know show tunes, so I had to find some new material. Sure, I still belt out Cabaret, but I have added many a pop song to my list. You want people to like you - sing something they like.
3. PERFORM! No matter how good your voice is, you still gotta give the folks a show. Don't just stand there and stare at the screen, move around a bit! Pretend you are Lady Gaga or J-Lo. Become the fifth Beatle. Even if you suck, if you put on a good show nobody will care.
4. BE NICE! This means clap for everyone who gets up there - even if they suck. This means not pestering the KJ by constantly asking when your turn is, or if they have a certain song on the list. This means not being a drunk asshole and grabbing the mic from the person singing.

Pretty easy, right? Just remember that the more fun YOU have the more people will like what you do. You are all in the same intoxicated, amateur, fun lovin boat - so make the best of it!