In Which I stop Whining and Just Do it

I am a strong believer in the old adage that idle hands are the devils playground. I don't believe in boredom. I am a go getter. Sure, I sit and watch T.V.,  just like everybody, but I like to have some real hobbies as well. Just this weekend I purchased two new paint by number kits, a long forgotten hobby of mine. I also go to the gym, write this blog, play the ukulele and sing. That's a lot of stuff to keep me busy.

But not enough. Not for November. November for me means one thing: National Novel Writing Month. Those of you who know me know that I subject myself to this unique torture every year with varied results. The idea is to get all us writer types off our butts and get us moving, or writing rather. Participants have thirty days to complete a 50,000 word manuscript. It must be fiction and it must be a "new" idea. As in, you start actually writing on November 1. 

So, I have participated for 7 years (this is the 8th) and 7 times I have come up short. Yesterday I came to the only logical conclusion for this: I am a big fat quitter. But why? I'll tell you why. Friday night while I was writing my novel, my old as fuck computer overheated and I lost about 200-300 words. I was bummed. I decided the only thing to do was to quit. I started all the negative thinking that goes along with this type of situation. "Well, I wouldn't finish anyway, so why bother?" "It's stupid. Who is even going to read it? What a waste of time." "I'm not even a good writer."

So, I took a break. I sat down with a friend and watched some T.V., but I was still thinking about my story. Then my friend said something that clicked. "It makes you happy, right? So, that sounds like reason enough. You were pretty excited about this, so I think you should keep going."

He was right. The only reason I was ready to give up was because I knew I could do it. I was afraid of succeeding. I thought about it and realized that I have a pattern of sabotaging myself when it comes to new endeavors. I am scared of being successful at certain things. It's pretty fucked up because the things I am scared of being good at are the things I am best at - like singing and writing. If I had taken one or two opportunities that had come my way in the past, I might have a nice little singing career by now.

So I started thinking about my friend who lost two whole days worth of writing, (like 4000 words) and how she didn't give up. She kept on writing, and is still going for it. It's a tough challenge and there are days when you don't feel creative. But hell, if I can wake up and go to work everyday, go to the gym and find time to watch The Biggest loser, I can find time to finally shut up and just do it. I know I say this every year, but this time is different. 

This is the year. mark my words. Mark them!http://www.nanowrimo.org/