Bratislava: part two

With my PIN number in hand, I walked to the ATM and successfully robbed myself of the 100 Euro needed to file the application. Upon arrival to the Czech Embassy I promptly sorted all of my papers in an orderly fashion and waited patiently. I am not stranger to Czech offices, waiting is half the battle. The first thing I was told was that the red application form was wrong - they use a different one now. Upon hearing that that's what they gave me at the FP, the lady just laughed. Nice to know she has a sense of humor about it. It all went well except for one piece of paper that she said was not an original. I convinced her it was and she took it saying that I might have to go to the FP with the original. No problem, I assured her.

I was interviewed extensively for the first time ever when applying for a Visa. I had to remember that I have a new passport that has no stamps and that it might be to my benefit to not let on that I had been here for four years already. i tried to be charming and speak a little broken Czech and I smiled a lot. I was asked about previous employment (I did not mention JCL) and I was asked if I plan to stay in the CZ "forever". I didn't know how to answer that so I just said, "Sure." It was an experience that not many American's probably get the chance to have. American's seem to think of immigration as somebody else's problem. We think of it purely in terms of people wanting to come to America. I think if more American's had to actually go through the twisted, sticky red tape that is immigration they might have a different view on the matter.

After I filed I walked to the McDonald's and had a bacon McMuffin, a hash brown and a cup of joe. I was feeling pretty good since I did what I came here to do. I took another walk around town and did a little shopping with the Euro that was burning a hole in my pocket. The only warmth I had, to tell you the truth. I found a couple of cute little tops that were on sale and that made me happy.

I still have to go back to the embassy once more in a couple of hours to pick up a Visa for a co-worker. Hopefully that will go alright as well. After that, I wait just a few more hours before boarding that big yellow bus back to Praha. It'll be 11:30 by the time I get home so I'll most likely go right to bed. Silvester is tomorrow so I need to save up some energy.

So, happy new year to you all. And be careful out there. The man is everywhere.

Bratislava: part one

I awoke with a start about two hours in on my bus ride to Bratislava. I had packed light, bringing only what was needed: the Visa papers (of which there are tons), passport, wallet, change of clothes, computer, phone, book and snacks. What I didn't bring was money or the PIN number for the debit card I haven't used in forever. So, like I said, I awoke with a start when I remembered that the pin number is on a little piece of paper back in my purse, sitting on the floor in Prague. Shit. I promptly called a friend who said they would go look for the pin number and get back to me. I had about 1000kc in my wallet, not nearly enough to cover my visa costs, taxi to the hotel and food. This country looks like Prague, sounds like Prague, but is not Prague. They use the Euro here.

I changed my money and got to my hotel which is more accurately described as a Botel. It's a big old boat that has been made into a hotel. Think of the love boat minus the sailing to exotic destinations. Actually, minus the sailing altogether. And minus the crew of happy people in matching jackets making sure you know that there is Bingo on the Lido Deck. Although to be fair, I was told that there would be breakfast downstairs in the morning and given a card that would get me 10% off. I settled into my stateroom and decided to go for a brisk walk along the Danube and in to the city center.

I walked across the street and found the Czech Embassy only about two minutes from the Botel. This information will come in useful tomorrow. I kept walking a pretty good clip since it was freezing cold out. I took some pictures of statues and castles and tried not to eat anything because I need to save my money. I would describe what I saw and did but it was so similar to Prague that it seems a waste of time and energy. I did meet some goofy girls in the McDonald's who seemed to take a great deal of pleasure in telling people that the pay toilet was Free. No judgement here, what ever works for you.

Although I had a slight snag in my plans, I am not feeling broken yet. The holidays were fantastic and I have to say I am pretty happy. My legal status has me stressed out, but one thing I have learned is not to sweat it. It will either work out or it won't. Worrying about it won't change the outcome. I have come a long way in the years since I left L.A. That old me would have been flipping out right about now. Actually, she wouldn't have boarded that bus alone in the first place. I often wonder how I ever made it to Prague at all. I used to be such a scared little kitten. But all that has changed. I like traveling alone now. After taking a twelve hour bus ride to Mexico in the middle of the night, you get the feeling that the rest is easy. Anyway, I am here and somewhere along the way kitty got claws.

Thank God That's Over

Marriedtothesea.com

2010 sucked. I will not be sad to see this year fade into memory. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I had me some bad luck in the past year. I won't go into detail but I was beat up, beat down, broke up with, laughed at, visa denied, fucked with, lied to, depressed, dead cat... the list goes on and on. Like I said I won't be sad to wave goodbye to 2010. It was basically my own personal BP oil spill. This is not to say there were not some positive things in the past year, but those positive things were the direct result of my perseverance and will. I discovered that I can play the Ukulele. I developed some friendships that will endure for sometime. I lost about 20 pounds. So... there is always a little light.

Which brings us to 2011. I am not one for making resolutions. When I do they tend to be things like "Sparkle More" and I am always successful. It's hard not to be successful when your resolution is completely abstract. But without resolving to do so, I think 2011 is going to be a good year. It is going to be full of change and frustration like every year is, but I think it will be easier. After having such a hard time I am kind of immune to the Universe fucking with me. I have somehow managed to come out of it not only alive, but better for it. 2011 is a chance for me to leave all the shit behind and just move forward. I have a pretty great life here in Prague and the focus this year will be living it - in the NOW, not in the past. I have some goals for the up coming year, but mostly I just want to be happy. I survived a lot, the very least I can do is reward myself with kindness.

2011 will be dedicated to me and the things I am passionate about. That means singing and ukulele playing in public. And public is going to be more than just being bad ass at karaoke. I will go to some open mic nights and get a show someplace. I am very confident in my singing ability, so I just gotta get a little better with the ukulele. Then there is my other passion - writing. I will continue with this here blog, but I want to get back to fiction as well. It has been a while and I am a little rusty. But, that is what practice is for. And that's it really. I want to spend time becoming an even better version of me. I mean I am already wicked cool, super cute and funny - but why stop there?

2011? Bring it. I will make you my bitch... in a friendly non threatening way.

OBSESSION

I want these!

Obsessions are tricky little things. They tend to make life a little more enjoyable, but at the same time they tend to make you crazy if taken too far. For example, an obsession with a person is kind of creepy. I always feel bad for celebrities who have fallen prey to obsessive fans. It can't be fun knowing some crazy person "loves" you. But, obsession taken light heartedly can be alright. It can help you get your mind off of that bad break up, or the over due rent. A healthy obsession can be the right little distraction for life's little problems.


I have had a few obsessions in my life and only two (okay, maybe three) of them were breaching on unhealthy. The first was Bruce Willis. I swear my mom must have thought about locking me up in a padded room when I was a teenager. And heck, I probably wouldn't have minded if they let me take my pictures of Bruce Willis with me and place them on said padded walls. And when I say pictures I mean upwards of 350. Told ya.


The second obsession would be bacon. I love bacon. I told a friend the other night that someone should market a cologne that smells like bacon. Fuck pheromones, I would follow a man who smelled like bacon. I also find it ironic that there is a cologne called "Obsession" and it does not smell like bacon. I have been known to order food in restaurants that I don't particularly enjoy because something in the dish came with bacon. Lucky for me I live in a country that loves meat and is not afraid of the bacon. Bacon comes on a lot of stuff here, and that makes me happy.


I thought it would be nice for my 200th blog post to be about something happy and good. I wanted to write a little about what makes me tick, smile and drool. I wanted to write about one of the great joys in life and the number one reason that I am not, nor ever will be a vegetarian. B A C O N. I love you bacon, and I will be obsessed with you until the last pig.

In Wonderland

One of my favorite scenes in Disney's "Alice in Wonderland" is when she first meets the caterpillar. The dude is obviously high as a kite and asks her a standard, seemingly simple question: Who are you? A quick and simple answer might have been, "I'm Alice. Who are you?" But our little blond heroine takes his question as a philosophical gateway to try and figure out exactly who she IS. (And honestly it is a very accurate portrayal of having a conversation with a stoned person, when you yourself are not stoned. But I digress) Alice answers the question by saying, "I hardly know sir. I have changed so many times since this morning you see..." He then asks her to explain herself to which Alice replies, "I'm afraid I can't explain myself sir, because I'm not myself you know."

I like that scene because it pretty much sums up how I feel every morning when I roll out of bed. On any given day I have no clue of who I am or what I am doing. But I am alright with that. It's other people that seem to take issue. Sure I can tell you what I DO for a living, but I don't think that tells you "who I am". I do not define people (or myself) by what they do for a living. I could tell you my hobbies or  about my love life, but I don't think knowing that I am a single woman who happens to be an avid reader who enjoys karaoke will get you any closer to knowing "who I am". I could even tell you how others have described me. (Words such as: feline, spunky, opinionated, moxie, bitch, nice, cute, sexy, funny, clever, stupid, annoying, beautiful, fat, ugly, charming...) And you see where that gets you. People's ideas of "who you are" will just lead you in circles.

And that's the problem right there - other people and what they think. I know a lot of expats get questioned about this lifestyle from our friends and families living in America. Every time I go back to the states I feel like I am sitting at the Kid's table while every one else is playing grown up. And I know that some might think I am wasting my life here. But the honest truth is - I don't care. Think that if you want. Money doesn't mean very much to me so I am quite happy to live where and how I do. I have met some great people in my travels, people who have changed my life. I have made some friends that I cannot imagine living without and I have made a few enemies as well. But that is just the way it is. I might not know who I am, but I know I am a better person than I was yesterday, or five years ago. And that's gotta mean something.

So if I happen to meet a stoned caterpillar who asks me "who are you?"- I think I might just have to say, "I'm Alicia. Nice to meet you. If you want anymore than that then perhaps you better pass that pipe, put on some Rolling Stones and order some pizza. It's gonna take a while to figure it out."

Christmas Schmismas

"Twas the week before Christmas and all through The Prague, all the expats were leaving or wasted on Grog. No stockings were hung by chimneys with care, since no one has chimneys and Jezisek ... uses the window."

That's all I got. I tell ya, I can't seem to get into Christmas this year. I tried watching some Holiday movies but it didn't really work. I tried singing Christmas carols and decking some halls, but still nothing. I guess without all the pressure to buy Christmas gifts and constant commercials telling you that you need to buy things to make your loved ones feel loved, Christmas is just another day. I am making a few Christmas gifts this year for some of my close friends here in Prague, but other than that I will not be buying gifts. I have not really gone Christmas shopping for over five years. A fact that I am somewhat proud of.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christmas, it's just not really my thing. I like all the cookies and I love the way Prague looks all covered in snow. The giant tress in the town squares are nifty and the hot wine kicks ass. I love the yearly bludgeoning of the Carp and I love having some time off work, but the day doesn't do much for me. I'll take Halloween over Christmas any day. You are encouraged to go door to door demanding free candy, you get to put on a costume and you probably get drunk. Doing these things at Christmas time are kind of frowned upon unless you happen to be Santa Clause or "Crazy Uncle Joe".

So, I hope you all have a happy holiday and enjoy spending all your hard earned money on gifts that you feel you need to give because Jesus was born. I don't really understand that, but I won't delve right now. I'll just say this: If you want someone in your life to know how much you care, try giving them a gift in July. They probably won't expect it and they will probably think you are better than any Santa Clause.

"... and I wandered Prague's streets on this cold Christmas Night thinking, Merry Christmas dear friends... shit! Trams have stopped for the night."

God Bless us, every one.

10 Things I love about Winter

It's fucking cold out there people. It has been snowing in Prague pretty much non stop for a week now and everyone has got something to say about it. The public transit shut down for an evening, I have to dress (and undress) 25 kids everyday and take them to play in it, and sure everything "looks" pretty but everything is actually just wet and cold. That's the bad news.

But being a native Californian I decided to try and find some positive thing about winter - a season that for all intents and purposes I know nothing about. A California winter is a little lack luster. So, without further ado, my list of things I love about winter.

1. Winter Hats - I love knit caps. I love the way they keep my ears from getting cold and I love the way they fit to my head. I have one with a skull and kitty cat ears. The winter cap is colorful or black, it is adorned with pom-poms or just plain. There is one for every mood.
2. Mulled Wine & Hot Chocolate - Here in Prague you can't get far in the winter without bumping into a mulled wine stand. Hooray. And hot chocolate is just proof that there is indeed a god.
3. Crock Pot Cooking - Stews. Chili. Thick cream based chowders. I'll eat them all everyday during the winter months.
4. Snowball Fights - You can have your snowmen, I'll take a good snowball fight any day. Perhaps its the fact that I get to throw them at little people.
5. My Heater - We don't have dryers here in Prague. During the winter months my heater works as a dryer. I am actually able to wash a pair of jeans and wear them later that night. (Insert angelic choir sound here)
6. Chaka Khan-ika - I was going through a divorce right at Christmas time a few years back. It sucked. All the love and goo in the air made me wanna punch Santa in the gullet. My best friend was also going through a break up. We decided to make a new holiday that celebrated all the best traditions of the season and call it Chaka Khan-ika - named after the fabulous funk diva. The tag is "It's that Jewish Holiday with a Disco flare!". All you need to do in order to celebrate this holiday is - wake up late Christmas morning and have a lot of sex. Then watch a few old animated classics dedicated to the season. Next, you hop on down to your favorite Chinese place and get you some Peeking Duck. After you eat you go to a movie. Or two. The day ends with you in a dark bar having a few whiskeys. It's awesome. Feel free to celebrate, just remember who invented it.
7. Warmth - I am not a summer person. I would much rather be cold. I hate sweating. I like winter because I can bundle up. I can hide under my comforter. I can wear scarves around my entire face. I can get warm. This I like.
8. Paid Holiday - As I said, I don't really care all that much for Christmas, but thank god others do. This city practically shuts down in December because everyone goes out of "The Prague" for the holidays. This means my school is closed. This means I don't have to work for two weeks - Paid!
9. Care Packages - In this country, the care package is king. And with them usually comes Kraft Mac N Cheese.
10. Christmas Movies - Not the new crap. I am talking about the good stuff. Charlie Brown, A Christmas Story, The Grinch, Bad Santa, (I have a crush on Billy Bob) A Muppet Christmas Carol. These are reasons to celebrate the season.

I hope this little list was useful, or at least amusing. Get warm and have a happy winter!

News Worthy

I keep up with current events. I am aware that NASA is actually functioning and that they discovered a new "life form" that is different from ours. I am fully aware that in 2022(!) Qatar will host the World Cup - and the big concern there is air conditioning. I see that the FBI(!) is concerned that the new Barbie Doll will promote child pornography, and that the creator of Facebook is selling his house. Yeah, that last bit was actually in the "news".

I know some people that get their entire dose of "news" from John Stewart and Steven Colbert. On the other hand I also know of folks that get their news from FOX. Some people get their news today from celebrity Twitter updates and blogs. Other people just look for links on their Facebook home page to see what's going on. In other words - journalism is dead. All of the hubub over Wikileaks illustrates my point.

We are an uninformed people. Oh sure, we THINK we are informed, but when more people know the identity of Kim Kardashian  than know the identity of the US Vice President - we got a problem. Anyone can make news today and anyone can report it. (Look at me, I am doing it right now!) There used to be a time when journalists and news reporters did what was asked of them, they did their job: They REPORTED the news without bias. Something happened and they told you. That's how it should work.

Which brings us to Wikileaks. I have a HUGE problem with anyone that thinks this is a problem. First off, you are living with your head buried in the sand while wearing rose colored glasses if you didn't know this stuff was going on. And you should have known. There should have been multiple stories leading up to this one about secrets and back room dealings and all such. But there were no journalists doing journalistic things. They were all off reporting on Sarah Palin's daughter being on Dancing With the Stars. You have a right to know when your Government is fucking you over. It is not a journalist's job to make the Government look good. It's their job to report when it is acting shady.

My second problem with all this "outrage" is the constant reports of "endangered lives". Give me a break. The endangered lives are the ones kept in the dark. Col. Jack Jacobs wrote on MSN, "But perhaps the most dangerous aspect of all this is that we have evidently learned nothing about safeguarding sensitive information. If a low-level clerk can hack into a system that protects millions of documents, then nothing is safe. Undoubtedly, it will now be more difficult for another creep like Manning to use the same technique to steal documents, but overall we are vulnerable to the most unsophisticated of assailants, to say nothing about a well-organized, well-resourced and formidable opponent." I think Manning is a national hero. He blew that whistle loud and proud. Like I said, we are a very uninformed people - and that is the way the Government wants it. Good for you guys who are telling it like it is. I support you.

I miss the days of Watergate, when reporters wanted to break a big story in order to have an impact and be the top dog for a minute. Today it seems that news people and reporters are in bed with the people they are reporting on and have no "real" sources. All reports are partisan bias, and all papers seem to have an agenda. When a big story comes out you have to wade through a trough of bullshit just to find the tiny diamond of truth. And the truth for me is this: When the Government is doing back room dealings, bad stuff, ugly things that will embarrass them (and us) and telling lies about it - I want to know. I should GET to know. I should NOT be outraged that someone told. I should be outraged that someone didn't tell me sooner.

God bless Julian Assange.