No Such Thing As a Free Lunch

You ever have a moment like this? You are at a bar (or a picnic or some other public area) and someone orders pizza. That someone is not sitting with you. That "someone" is clearly sitting with other people and ordered pizza for themselves. All of the sudden, people from across the room get up and just ask for a slice.  They offer no money and just expect free grub. If that "someone" had wanted to order pizza for YOU they would have offered it. But, that's a problem in today's society. Some folks don't wait for an offer - they just expect to get what they want. And when that offer doesn't come? Well, just take it.

I see this a lot and it gets my gander up. I hate bad manners, or lack of manners in general. I was always taught that it is polite to wait and be asked rather than be forward. And I still feel that way. Just because the Birthday cake at the next table looks delicious doesn't mean I can walk over and ask for a piece. And I shouldn't. Why? Because its rude.

For some reason bad manners on women irritate me on a whole other level. I feel like we have fought for YEARS to be taken seriously and then some girl will show a little cleavage and expect the world to come to her. I hate hearing women brag about getting out of a ticket by flirting or how they got some poor schmuck to pay for everything all night (and they didn't even like him). I think women need to pay very close attention to how they decide to use their identities and their femininity in this world. Men of course need to do the same, but honestly its a little different. Men don't use their looks to avoid tickets. And I have never seen a man coyly bat his lashes and ask someone in a crowded bar for a slice of pizza.

I guess my point is this: You may get that free slice of pizza, but you paid for it in other ways. Next time, save a little dignity and slide the dude with the pizza a dollar when you are being rude. Next time, just take the damn ticket. You were probably speeding anyway.

Social Network

Lately I have been obsessed with Myrna Loy. For those of you who are not film buffs like moi, Myrna Loy  was a famous actress in the 30's, 40's and 50's. She is in at least three of my favorite films (Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, The Thin Man, and The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer) and she had moxie up the proverbial wazoo. I love her little voice and her subdued sex appeal. She was just all woman. My Myrna Loy fixation came just in time to save me from boredom when I was sick last week. I stayed home for hours on end watching some of my favorite classic movies: Mildred Pierce, It Happened One Night, Bringing Up Baby, The Thin Man (and some of its sequels), Leave Her to Heaven - just to name a few. Nothing in life makes me happier than watching some good classics.

I broke the streak today and decided to watch a new film - The Social Network. Or as people call it - The Facebook movie. No cute dialogue or witty banter here. The film documents the rise of the uber nerds who created Facebook and the problems that ensued. I was immediately reminded of how much I loathe rich, young college kids. It's the same reason I have a problem reading a lot of F. Scott Fitzgerald books. I just can't put my sympathy towards people who love money and squash the spirits of their fellow man. I just can't. Watching the movie made me really happy I never had that "typical" college experience. I never lived on a campus. I never lived in a world where "what my major" was mattered, and I never had friends who cared how much money I would ever make. Just not my style. The film tried to show the founder of FB as a dork who just wanted to be cool, and the money just followed. I don't know if I buy that or not. But what I do know is that the money did follow.

I miss old Hollywood movies and even though I wasn't alive for it, I miss old Hollywood. Actors like Myrna Loy might not have survived in this day and age. Thanks to things like TMZ and Facebook, gossip is now considered news. Celebrities have become a commodity. We look to them not just for fashion or hairstyles, but for political opinions and lifestyle choices. I would love to have a little more mystery surrounding my favorite movie stars, and even my friends. I have a few friends who go on Facebook daily and ask mundane questions like: What should I cook for dinner? If you can't figure that out, you have got much bigger problems. People all of the sudden care what little twats like that Snookie person has to say, and they want to know what Tim Gunn thinks about the war. I don't know, but I doubt Myrna Loy ever had to put up with such nonsense. And I know she wouldn't have Tweeted.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I love to play dress up and I love candy, so it is a natural fit. I appreciate Halloween because it doesn't play into any highfalutin messages about making the world a better place, or loving your fellow man. Halloween doesn't ask you to be a better person for a month and then go back to your evil ways. It doesn't tell you that baby Jesus is cool and you should celebrate his birthday or tell you to go kill a turkey in order to be grateful for what you have. No. Halloween asks only a simple thing from you: Have fun.

Being in Prague for Halloween has always been a little different. First and foremost, they don't celebrate it here. Not really. Kids don't go trick or treating here and you will be hard pressed to find a little family of Jack O' Lanterns burning brightly on someones porch - unless that someone is an expat. The expat community here bands together at this time of year to bring Halloween traditions overseas. There are drunkin' parties to go to, monster mashes and the streets are lined with slutty cats, nurses and fairies - just like at home.

This was my second year teaching preschool in Prague at Halloween time. It's always a blast to see the little people in their makeshift costumes knocking on doors asking for candy. Or, in the case of my preschool, knocking on the neighboring businesses doors which just so happen to be a Vet and a Dentist. My boss supplies them with candy and the kids run in and scream at them. It's actually pretty awesome.  It brings a little smile to my face knowing that I helped a little kid find the joy of Halloween. These kids don't have the Target commercials asking them what they will be. They don't have isles of Halloween candy begging to be eaten. They don't have Halloween. But, the kids at my school do. Or at least a little version of it. They get some sweets, a mask and they have fun. And that's all that really matters.

Boo! 25 Best Movies for Halloween

With Halloween just around the corner, I am tempted to write about my favorite holiday. I have in fact been asked to post about Halloween. I have been thinking about exactly what angle to take and it is kind of hard. I could take you down memory lane and tell about the great Halloweens of my youth. The year I dressed up as Princess Leah and my brother as Darth Vader stands out as a particularly good one. I could talk about how back then we walked around in the dark and didn't really worry about being taken by some creep. Unless that creep was Mike Myers or a certain Mr. Kruger.

I thought maybe I could talk about the phenomenon of women, old and young dressing in underwear and calling it a costume. But, as I am just as guilty of that offense as some, I am going to leave it alone. Although to be fair to myself, my versions of cats, devils and witches have all been sexy BUT I have not worn underwear as the outfit, thank you very much. I was a cat last year and I looked cute and sexy. So there.

But, I decided that I would give you list of what I consider to be the 25 BEST films to watch at this SPOOKY time of year. My list will hopefully have some films that you haven't seen, and I promise there will not be a "Nightmare on Elm Street" or a "The Ring" in the bunch. So, to all of my readers - HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

1. Halloween - The best slasher film of all time. A classic and still scary.
2. The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown - He will come. He will!
3. The House of the Devil - My favorite new horror movie. It has great pace, satanic rituals and lots of blood. It's a throw back to the 70's when horror was actually good and not Asian kids with creepy make up popping out of closets. 
4. House of Wax - I could have picked just about any of Mr. Prices great horror films, but this has always been my favorite. And I gotta say, Paris Hiltons death scene in the remake is pretty damned cool.
5. Die! Die! My Darling! - OK. Not the best film ever, but MAN OH MAN do you get the best religious fanatic ever on screen. A Hammer classic and an all time favorite of mine. 
6. Rosemary's Baby - No, I don't have a thing for satanic cults, just for awesome movies. And this is one. 
7. April Fools Day - I know, not really a "Halloween" movie, but so much fun. And full of 1980's sex and violence.
8. Dawn of the Dead (both versions) - It's rare that I'll actually like a remake, but this is an exception. But, always, always Romero.
9. Texas Chain Saw Massacre - Duh. It doesn't get fucking creepier than this movie. Seriously. the music alone. Too much fun! And, don't bother with the remake. 
10. The Descent - Everything works here. Bad ass chicks. Bad situations. And... well, just watch it. 
11. Dead Alive - And you though your mom was crazy...
12. The Exorcist - Back when making little kids scary was new, and actually scary.
13. The Thing - Still one of the scariest movies of all time. 
14. The Nightmare Before Christmas - Thanks for being born Tim Burton. 
15. Fright Night - My favorite vampire movie of the 80's. Still awesome. I hear they are remaking this and I am not pleased.
16. Drag Me to Hell - Putting Army of Darkness on this list was just too easy, so watch this fun and cool movie by Sam Rami.
17. Freaks - If you haven't seen this, um, sorry.
18. Blue Velvet - I made a friend of mine watch this one Halloween. I think she's still mad at me. 
19. Pan's Labyrinth - How freaking cool is this movie!? Awesome monsters, smart characters and a bad guy who is human.
20. Near Dark - Best Vampire movie ever. EVER. And please note that the director is the same woman who directed The Hurt Locker.
21. An American Werewolf in London - The Nazi Muppet scene alone.
22. Wicker Man - Another movie with slow, great pacing and an ending that is more famous than the 6th sense.
23. The Sixth Sense - I'm still not telling. 
24. The Shining - Here's Johnny!
25. The Rocky Horror Picture Show - Halloween just wouldn't be complete with out a little Tim Curry in drag. Y U M. 

Year End Book Round Up

I have been doing this every year, kind of like a little walk down memory lane for me, and hopefully a bunch of good books for you to go out and purchase at your local non chain book store. 
This year has had so many ups and downs that I am going to just jump right into the books. Enjoy.


October:
Lisey's Story, S. King - It took me three tries to get into this book. And now it holds a place dear in my heart. It is a love story like only Steven King can write. A couple can survive anything - even death. 

November: I came very close to finishing my NaNoWriMo quest this time and so... did not read a novel.
December:

• The Master and Margarita - I know everyone loves this book. It's hip to like this book. But, I am not hip. I yawned the whole way.
• Anansi Boys - Loved it. Fun and joyful and dark. A good Gaiman novel. It even has karaoke. And, again, a theme of what keeping secrets from your loved ones and family can eventually do.
• Nine Mil - horrible.
• Norwegian Wood - Murikami is ALWAYS good. This was a departure for him. Still great, but very "normal". I love him, and hopes he gets that Nobel Prize

Janurary:

• A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian - The entire time I was reading this my only though was, man... I write way better than this. If you have taste, skip this book. 
• A Lion Among Men - Not even close to being on the level of WICKED his other novels. 

February:

• Land of Green Plums - Very good. Prose. Lovely.
• Shanghai Girls - It was pretty good for what it was. A bit predictable, but still enjoyable enough to read. Quick and easy.

March:

• Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet - Historically pretty good. Love story - eh.

April:

• The Omnivore's Dilemma - One of the best books I have read all year. Everyone should read this.
• My Life in France (by Julia Child) - WONDERFUL! Such a joy to read.

And... I didn't write down the rest so I'll leave you with the last three that I read:

• Little Bee - AMAZING!
• Devil in the White City - GREAT non fiction. Something for everyone in this one.
• The Help - I read it and pictured it as a movie. Sure enough, it is already in production.

Happy Reading friends...til next year!

Get Over It

Have you seen the GQ cover and photos of the GLEE cast? Pretty steamy, right? Or, not really. Either way its nothing new. BritBrit danced around in a catholic school girl uniform and people took notice. So, I guess putting some attractive stars of a very popular show in their undies in "school inspired" locations is gonna get some very bored housewives overworked.


It seems that the Parents Television Council (the what?) has deemed these photos as "hyper sexualized" and says its wrong because these actors play teens. Sure the shoot was done by famous douche bag Terry Richardson, but that is not really a good reason to scream "inappropriate". The fact of the matter is that these actors are NOT teenagers. Shall I say it again? They are NOT teenagers. They are ACTORS and if they want to play porn star dress up for a men's magazine, then let them. They are adults. Is it sexist? Absolutely. But good luck fighting that. If you don't like the pictures then don't buy the magazine. Geesh. Seems so simple to me. 

So I Want to Kill this Waitress

I love a good meal. It might be one of the reasons that I gained weight not so long ago. Okay, that and the gummy bears, but I do love to eat good food. It is one of the joys in my life, and as I get older I find it more difficult to compromise. If I am going out to eat, I want it to taste good. Period. That doesn't mean "fancy" or "expensive" - it means good. Hell, some of the best meals I have eaten in my life have come from Taco stands or were cooked for me by friends. But when I go out, I hope and pray that the food is up to snuff. I am not a "Foodie"(I fucking hate that term and the pretension that it is dipped in) I just enjoy food.

I have written extensively about the problem with Czech customer service (if one can even call it that) but I had an experience this weekend that reminded me of just how much I enjoy eating, and just how little it takes to ruin a meal. A friend and I went to a popular little eatery in Zizkov called Cafe' Pavlac. What follows is pretty much my own fault since A) The food there pretty much sucks and B)The service is awful. But, I went in knowing this and I did it with a hangover. Bad call.

My friend ordered her hot chocolate and soup, while I deliberated the menu as only a woman with no sleep and a hangover can. Five minutes later I stopped the waitress and told her I wanted a sandwich. A pork sandwich that was toasted. Thirty minutes later, still no sandwich. I am annoyed at this point and tell the "waitress" that I would like to cancel my sandwich. My friend was finished eating and it had been forever in restaurant time, so I was finished.

Now, Czech servers have no idea how to deal with people. I have been given food I didn't order and been told that I must eat it and pay for it. It was my fault. I have been over charged and given no apology. I have been over charged and been forced to pay. Czechs don't argue - they are just stubborn. They have a point and thats that. So, the waitress proceeds to tell me that I cannot cancel my order and that I must pay for it. I tell her - pay for what? I haven't gotten any food. It has taken too long. She tells me I must pay and then runs to the kitchen where the sandwich magically appears. She had obviously forgotten about it. I am pretty sure I called her some very nasty names as I paid for the sandwich that I left on the table uneaten.

Like I said, I should have known better than to go into a place that I already found to be lacking in service and in taste. But I thought - just a coffee and a sandwich. Nope. Not only did it ruin my day, I am pretty sure my friend and that waitress were worse for the wear. I would have been better off having instant noodles and diet coke in my flat.

The saving grace of the day was my dinner. A good friend brought over some sushi and some yummy crispy chicken in a curry sauce. There were two kinds of spring rolls and there was a plethora of sauces to dip them in. It made me happy to smell the curry. And it made me almost forget about that damed stupid waitress.

Columbus Day

I am no fan of Columbus Day as a holiday. In fact, I am not a fan of National Holidays built around lies. I never really liked Thanksgiving for the same reason - it's all bullshit. I assume that any thinking person already acknowledges that Mr. Columbus didn't discover America. I guess as far as he was concerned he discovered it. The man had never been there, didn't really know it existed and I am pretty sure he was lost. I think he managed to find the Bahamas before getting to America. But we Americans grow up thinking that he sailed the ocean blue and landed on some great property that was completely uninhabited. I never recall hearing about the people who lived there, or got there first - like Leif Ericson for example. I also never recall a teacher telling me that he and his men killed people there. But, no one brings up that fact on Thanksgiving either now do they. Nope, just pass the mashed potatoes please.

But, as much as I am not a fan of the holiday, I am also not a fan of people using it as a "cause". I am so tired of causes! I was forwarded a video called: Reconsider Columbus Day by about six different people today. I watched it. And I was (of course) annoyed after. First, it starts out repeating the phrase "With all due respect..." which I hate because it is a polite way of saying the opposite. Then I am asked to "reconsider" the way I celebrate the holiday. I am told that it isn't my fault and that I need to think about why I am celebrating the "crimes" of Columbus.

I got news for you - I don't celebrate Columbus Day. I don't know anyone who ever has celebrated Columbus Day. Nobody has Columbus parties and invites all of their friends over for a yearly interpretive dance about the discovering of America. Although now that I say it, that sounds pretty cool. But you know what I mean. We take the day off and sleep in, maybe go to an amusement park or something, but we don't think for a second about Chris Columbus. Nope. Not for a second. Now people are defacing statues of the man and calling him a murderer and its just annoying.

I would be happy if the Government decided that it wanted to rename the Holiday. Fine by me, go for it. I'll sign the petition and I'll "LIKE" the Facebook page that says we should change it. But until that day, can we please stop whining and making it worse? I don't see how defacing a statue makes you a stellar human being. I don't see how yelling at strangers who go to a parade that you disapprove of really helps your cause. I think it makes you a huge horses ass. So, by my thinking if you don't like the holiday - don't celebrate it. Hell, take it a step further and show up for work that day! Yeah! I mean if you are REALLY against it, show them all by not even recognising it as a special day! I will respect the hell out of you while I am on Big Thunder Mountain.

Barbiedrinks

Every once in a while I have a moment in my life where I am reminded just how much of a "Girly" girl I am not. Most recently I was trying to braid my hair. Nothing fancy mind you, just two Laura Ingalls style braids. It took me a frustrating hour to complete the task only to have friends re braid it. Twice. One of which was a guy.

That has just never been who I am. I won't go so far as to say that I was a Tom Boy, but I was pretty close. I have an older brother so I have always been comfortable around guys and been privy to their habits and conversations. But, I don't have a lot of make-up. I don't know how to use a curling iron. I hate shopping. I don't dress with any particular "flair", (which I gotta say, I am quite pleased about. I have a distinct style of... me But at least I don't follow EVERY trend that comes along. I saw two girls out the other night that looked like they had escaped an 80's video. One had on a silver head band, and the other had the TIGHTEST, BRAIDED side pony tale. Yeah. I know. These are fashion mistakes that only "Girly Girls" make. Anyway...) and, I drink Whiskey, or beer.

I've never really been one for fluffy "girly" drinks. Sure, back in my misspent youth I guzzled a few wine coolers in my cheer leading uniform. And, in my early twenties I recall being fond of amaretto sours for about six months. But other than that I have never been partial to the special drinks designed for "girls". And I mean GIRLS, not women. You know the type of cocktail I am referring to - they are usually pink or purple and smell like watermelon or flavors of Bonnie Bell Lipsmackers. They come in a martini glass but have no relation to a martini and they are sweet enough for someone wants to get plastered, but doesn't "like the taste of alcohol".

Blatant sexism aside, these kinds of drinks bother me. Or rather, the type of girl who drinks them bother me. First, they are MARKETED to "GIRLS". Girls, not women. Girls means... well girls. You would never see a Beer ad for "Boys". Nope only MEN drink beer, but drink it next to a hot GIRL! In America I have seen pre packaged "Cocktails" that come in pink packaging and are pre mixed (because us dumb girls couldn't possibly mix our own) and undoubtedly involve fruit. The name is usually written in a fancy, feminine font so that the fairer sex knows it is for them. Then it will pander to a woman's sense of vanity by calling itself "Light" or "Skinny".  The label will say "Half the calories and half the guilt". The liquid inside will probably be pink, and the actual bottle of alcohol will look like a toy for children or a perfume bottle. None of these things are mistakes. And sure, there is tons of alcohol marketing for men, but it usually doesn't make them feel stupid. Hell, even one of those (and I use this term loosely here) women from the "Real Housewives" series has a line of Margarita's called Skinny Margarita.

I don't know. But I am tired of seeing pink razors cost double the amount of the blue ones. I am tired of seeing adds for things like pink tools. I am annoyed at the amount of women who count calories when they are out having fun. I don't need everything I own to be pink for me to know that I am a woman. I know that I am a woman because I am not stupid. The only woman that the "Everything must be pink!" idea ever worked for was Barbie. And last time I checked she was a brainless, plastic doll with a shit load of clothes and no job.

Actually, I think she also has a silver headband.

KIDS

Kids are great. People always like to say that whether they have kids or not. And for the most part they are. They are goofy little people who do and say funny things because they don't know any better yet. Currently my job is to help thee little folks grow up to be functioning, responsible people who speak English. OK, I guess any preschool teacher's real job is to yell "No running!" and to gently remind these lil ones that picking your nose is yucky. And also here in the Czech Republic, it is also my job to instill in them that licking your plate is not good, and either is peeing outside when you are not camping.

I am good with kids, great even. They like me, they listen to me and they respect me. I treat them the same I would anyone else: I am honest with them and let them make their own choices. For example if Filip is throwing toys at another kid and I ask him to stop and he says "No", I give him choices. Either stop and say you are sorry, or you can sit in the time out chair. My boss likes us to lie to the parents and tell them that each kid is a little angel and never does anything wrong, and I can't do that. I think if I had a kid who didn't share and got violent when asked to do so, I would want to know. And some kids are sweet and cool and fun. Others? Others are jerks.

I don't blame the kid for being a jerk, I blame the mom and dad who encourage and reward jerky behavior. Give a kid whatever they want when they want it? They are going to be spoiled kids. Kids who don't share and kick and scream shouldn't be given more things. I don't know. It seems pretty simple to me. I had one parent pack a kid a special lunch everyday. Plain pasta - no sauce. I asked why and the mom said, "She gets upset and cries. I don't want her to be mad at me." Game point to the five year old. I think as a parent, or even an adult in charge of little people, you owe them a few things. You owe them honesty. Tell them WHY they need to eat the same food as every one else. You owe them protection from bad people and bad ideas. And last time i checked, teaching a child that the tools of manipulation WORK is not protecting them. And I think you owe kids gentleness and respect. Things that people forget to give even adults.