You Complete Me

Last week, I read a small article that has do do with one of my pet peeves: COUPLES WHO SAY - "WE". The article states that couples who use "we" rather than "I" are happier. I read further and found out it was talking about married couples who refer to shared property - not couples who are giving a personal opinion - which is the thing this irks me. I posted a comment about it on Facebook and it seemed to get a few people a little more than defensive. I simply stated that I find it irritating when couples constantly (and consistently) use the term "WE" when asked a direct question. For example:

Person 1 - "Hey man. What are you doing tonight?"
Person 2 - "I don't know. I think we are going to the movies. We haven't decided yet."

Now. This may seem like a very normal exchange, but lets look at it closely, shall we? Person 1 asks person 2 a direct question about themselves. Person 2 in turn, answers that for himself, he has NO IDEA until he checks with his partner. What the fuck! It is conversations like these that lead me to drink. Person 2 has many options when answering that simple question: I want to go to the movies. I am thinking about dinner with my girlfriend or maybe a movie. I don't know, I want to hang out with Mary, but she might have other plans. - There are many options that make person 2 sound more like a person and less like a pussy.

Why does this bother me so much? Well, I'll tell ya - I have given it a lot of thought - and it comes down to what being IN a relationship really means. Hollywood seems to have convinced us that we need someone else to be a whole person. We all remember that amazing speech in Jerry McQuire where Tom Cruise melts the hearts of a room full of sad single women by telling Renee "You complete me" And it was a sweet moment in the film. But in real life, is that what we really want? To feel incomplete until another person comes along and fills the hole? I for one don't want a partner that is "incomplete". I want a man who knows who he is - with or with out me. I want a partner who finds my presence in his life a bonus, not a necessity. I want to be the yummy icing on top of an already made cake... if you get my drift.

And thats my problem with the "You complete me", WE mentality. When a couple "WE's" all the time they lose the "I", and I think that is a pretty important thing to keep track of. I know some couples that have taken it so far that I find myself no longer asking - "What are YOU doing tonight", but rather "What are YOU GUYS doing tonight?". They are now a unit and have no singular thoughts. And yes, I do find something wrong with that. I find it gross in weddings when people read mushy things that say, "Two hearts become one". Can't people retain their individuality and still be in love? Does everything have to be - WE?

I think we have to start looking inward in order to find peace and happiness when in a relationship. I think we have to think about completing ourselves and not looking outside for what we need. I think we have to remember that our partner is not an extension of us - but a WHOLE separate person - A person who has their own beliefs, likes and dislikes. I think romantic partnerships are so that we have a witness to the life we lead, someone who can support you and your dreams, even if they don't agree with them.

So, if we are going to go with heart melting movie quotes, then I vote for this gem - spoken by Jack Nicholson in "As Good as it Gets" This is what love is really about.

YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE A BETTER MAN.

Plastic Parts Are Made For Toys

I have always adored Barbie. As a little girl, I enjoyed dressing her up to go on dates with Darth Vader and a sepia toned John Wayne torso. (My mom refused to buy me a KEN doll, so I used what was available resulting in either pity dates with the quadriplegic or risking a turn to the Dark side with Lord Vader.) I loved her stiletto heels and her glamourous clothes. I loved her long blond hair and the tiny brush that came in the box. I adored "My First Barbie" because she had slick arms and legs which made for easier costume changes. Of course I went through the rebilious stage and cut all of the hair off one of my Barbie Doll, and then painted her head with nail polish. She was the "Punk" Barbie. (sigh)

As I got older, I still collected Barbie Dolls. I collected the Barbies of the World, and the ones dressed as film characters - like Sandy from the end of Grease, or Marilyn Monroe or Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I kept them in their original boxes and never played with them, like a good little nerd. And I'll tell ya - it was really, REALLY hard not to play with the Bob Mackie Cher Doll.

But as much as I have always loved Barbie, I never once wanted to BE her. For one thing, Barbie is tall and long legged. I am a midget with stubby, but HOT gams. Barbie has a slender figure and I, as I have been told, have a huge ass. And of course, Barbie never ages. How could she? She is a toy, a plastic fashion doll. What little girl would want to dress up a 51 year old doll?

The irony here is that there are millions of 51 year old women trying to look like Barbie, and the results are down right frightening. Take Joan Rivers for example - the woman bares no resemblance to herself, or any other human being anymore. She looks shiny and freakish. Donatella Versace is grotesque. And poor Melanie Griffith is just sad looking.

But why? Why do women do this? Are we so scared of aging that we have to turn to these extremes? I hope not. Because, honestly, if you look at any man or woman who has had any extensive amount of plastic surgery, it just makes them look older. I mean, even if you get the new boobs, and the eye lift, and the face lift and what ever else - you are still going to have saggy elbows and a birthday every year. You get older and there is nothing wrong with that.

To illustrate my point I would like to point out some drop dead GORGEOUS women who have chosen to age naturally. I think that these women (all aged 50 and up) are far more beautiful than these plastic starletts trying to become something that you cannot place to close to a heater. So take head my friends: Beauty is only skin deep - and you any get so much skin.

Meryl Streep - age 50

Iman - age 54

Jaclyn Smith - age 50

Angelica Huston - age 58

Holly Hunter - 50

Susan Sarandon

The Ugly Truth

After a pleasant weekend spent sleeping and watching movies, I have come - once again - to the conclusion that the "Chick Flick" is an unpleasant, and gross waste of time. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy movies made about (and some would argue FOR) women, but the current onslaught of films referring to themselves as "Romantic Comedies" has me thinking.

It had been a while since I watched a romantic comedy mainly since every time I do I am angered and disappointed. I see a formulaic "career" woman who is gorgeous but sadly single. Then she meets a rude, whorish, Alpha Male - and hates him. You know how it goes, his manhood unravels her brain and they live happily ever after (yawn) In spite of this I decided to watch a bunch of them this weekend. Here is what I watched: Valentine's Day, Bride Wars, Leap Year, Confessions of a Shopaholic, The Ugly Truth, He's Just Not That Into You, Someone Like You and a few more older movies from the 80's. (Yep, this post is about my slackitude)

Somewhere along the line, movies about women stopped being ABOUT women and started being about GETTING MARRIED. And worse, the two things (women and marriage) became synonymous. I remember when romantic comedies were smart and funny and the women had lives and thoughts and feelings about more than getting hitched. Films like Valentine's Day and Love Actually are a smorgasbord of A-list celebrities trying to find love. There are no real characters here, and there is no real plot. The main point is: FIND A MATE AT ANY COST! GET MARRIED! Really? This is what we want?

He's Just Not That Into You - successfully convinces you that all men are jerks and that they are just something that we women have to endure. I don't like this angle much either. I hate to break it to you, but all men are not jerks - or dogs. They are people who are just as flawed as YOU are. And, ladies, we have to start taking responsibility for our own actions. Scarlette Johansen's character KNOWINGLY gets into bed with a married man and then has the audacity to be upset when she finds out he is sleeping with his wife. The movie paints HIM as the bad guy and wants us to feel bad for her. (In the mean time SHE is leading on another poor sap) Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn seem to have a happy relationship until her friends convince her that the only way to be happy is to get married. Then there are the "Single" ladies in the film who make asses of themselves trying to get men to notice them, and then are surprised when men don't want to date them. I wouldn't want to date a desperate, whining woman either. Movies like this confuse me. One the one hand - finding a mate and getting married is the goal. On the other, the sanctity of marriage is not taken seriously.

Which brings me to Bride Wars, 27 Dresses, Made For Each other, and The Ugly Truth Etc.. Movies that focus on women settling for the wrong man just so that they can get married. And why do these women want to get married so badly? Well, in Bride Wars it is because as little girls, two best friends dreamed of expensive wedding that focus on the bride. The Ugly Truth tells us that we should be very choosy when picking a mate, that is until we realize that we can settle for the foul mouthed jack ass with a great bod. Made For Each Other is yet another in a long line of films that focuses on our inability to say how we really feel. UGH. Aren't we tired of this yet?

I admire the women in Judd Apatow's films a little more. At the very least, they are more realistic. I know this isn't going to make me very popular in the feminist sewing circles, but such is life. In "Knocked Up" we see a beautiful woman who gets drunk and has a one night stand with an over weight, un-employed (and for lack of a better word) loser. What happens? Well, for once in a film, the guy does the changing for the girl. He realizes that there is more to life than getting stoned and cracking jokes with his friends.
And the girl likes him in spite of his...um...issues. Nobody is perfect, but you make it work. And I want more "Chick Flicks" about THAT. Making it work. I am tired of the "dream wedding" flicks, and I am tired of the Indie flicks like "500 Days of Summer" that make the woman a bitch and a user. More movies like "Rachel Getting Married" - a movie full of real people with real problems set against a mirror of the most LOVE FILLED wedding I have ever seen on screen. It wasn't about the dress and the cake. It was about the couple. And that is what is missing from chick flicks.

So, listen up Hollywood! I am tired of movies teaching men and women to play games. I am tired of movies that show women how to "get the guy" and show men as weak minded sex addicts. I want movies that make me proud to be a woman and that make me believe in love. Stop making pointless, plotless movies designed for stupid people. Let it feature a girl who is smart and funny. A girl who is cute but not drop dead gorgeous - you know, someone who we can relate to on a real level. And the guy ... well.. that's easy.

Just make him perfect.