Ex-Patter

I get asked all the time, what it is like for an expat in Prague. Friends tell friends who are moving here to contact me and ask questions. People read this blog and have questions about what it is like living in Europe and what Prague is like...and I try to be honest. No use in sugar coating it. It's rough at first, but its a great place to live. The expat scene in Prague can be very easily broken down into 4 or 5 groups of people. Of course there are those who fit outside of my sarcastic little groups, but most fit in like a bug in a rug. And before you ask, I am a 2 working towards becoming a 3. I hope to never roll my eyes when asked "How long have you been in Prague", but I can't promise anything.

1. "The Study Abroad Kids" - They don't count. These boys and girls are taking a semester off to "study" in a foreign country. They are on Mommy an Daddy's dime and drunk constantly. They are obnoxious, here for less than a year and taking some time away from the very taxing American College system to get drunk a little cheaper before returning to America and remembering this time as "the best in my life!" They can be found in the Beer Garden, Chapeau Rouge, Red Room, any place with a foose ball table or throwing up on a night tram.

2. TEFL Grads/Teachers - This is the most populous group of expats in Prague. I used to joke that you couldn't throw a rock without hitting a teacher in Prague, and I think I am still correct. Most teachers stay about a year before leaving the City of Spires and returning to the states...usually resulting in Grad School or some other way of not really working. Teachers here are found on the Metro going to and from classes, coffee shops and bars outside of the center - like Bukowski's.

3. "Lifers" - These are people who probably started out in group 2 and something happened and they stayed. Some folks meet and marry a Czech whom they have fallen in love with. Some, like me just like the lifestyle here better. The lifers usually "were" teachers, but have moved on to something else. These are the most annoying group of expats in Prague - since they have been in Prage so long, they constantly feel the need to tell you about the "best" place to get something, or what it used to be like. They roll their eyes a lot and you can smell the superiority on them from a mile away. The lifer can be found in a secluded place that they "discovered", at home, at work, or in the one bar they can still stomach going to because there are "so many AMericans everywhere!"

4. And then there is the "pretentiously mysterious expat." This is an increasing group here in Prague. This is a group (usually made up of people in their 20's) who make a big deal out of what they do, usually resulting in said job sounding much more important than it is. For example: I met a girl who teaches English here in Prague (like everyone else) and, who in her personal time plays guitar and sings (like everyone else). When asked at a bar by a group of traveling Hostel dwellers what she did in Prague she replied, "I'm a singer." Another girl works at a Gallery answering phones and basically just sitting there wasting space waiting for someone to wander in, but she is "interning". You get the point. It's like me saying I am a singer/writer because I host karaoke and I write. Nope - I am a pre-school teacher. Honestly, everyone here has an extra talent such as singing or writing, but very few can boast this as their profession - how they make their living.

Prague's expat community is well informed and easy to find much due to websites like Expats.cz and Prague.tv. These are informative websites that cover clubs, bars, eateries, coffee shops, real estate, Visa and basically anything you need to know. Expats.cz is the Bible for English speakers in Prague. Sure, there is an English newspaper - The Prague Post - but that is mainly for travelers. Not many native speakers living and working in Prague can afford the paper, and since the other sites are free - not many people bother. I have also noticed a few fledgling FaceBook groups devoted to expats. One is called "Secret Prague" devoted to finding cool places that no one knows about. I'll save you the trouble: There aren't any. Prague is small and if you stay longer than a year, you know where to go and where not to go. You know who broke up with who and who is dating who. It really is a tiny little world here. On the up side Prague works kind of like a revolving door - people are always coming and going. I am never stuck for meeting new people or finding people to talk to. And sooner or later you will realize that everyone here knows everyone else here...and thats okay.

Hi. My name is Alicia...

and I am an expat.

We Are the World..Again?

It's nice to see that celebrities will take time from their busy celebrity schedules and try and raise money for the needy. And I don't mean that sarcastically. In this day and age, I think the only people folks seem to listen to are celebrities. And we seem to want to do more if the message comes in a glossy, easy to understand package. Fine. I get it. So the Vancouver Olympics opened with a brand spanking new version of "We are the World" to help Hati. It's a great cause...and a really weird video and recording.

First, who the heck are those people? I know I live in Central Europe, but I had to look up who half of those folks are. Who is this Justin Bieber? Why is he singing Lionel Richie's part...and badly? He look to be about 12 years old. Which brings me to the second point: the first recording was filled to the brim with famous, heavy, talented singers who all had a pretty good past. I mean you had Springsteen, MJ and Diana Ross all singing together. Now? I get this Justin Bieber kid, Pink and some chick from the Pussy Cat Dolls? Puh-leeze.

I think the part that really bugged me was Celine Dion singing Cyndi Lauper's solo. Cyndi Lauper is still alive and singing, yes? Then why couldn't she sing it again? Michael Jackson got his solo and he's dead! And, was Janet even singing? That was just weird and confusing. (Like when Natalie Cole sang with her dead father.) Or when Jamie Foxx sang his solo "AS" Ray Charles. that was just unnecessary and kind of creepy. Like the rapping...and Kanye. Period.

I was hoping that if Miley Cyrus and Babs were ever in the same room, Barbara would shove her aside and say, "This is how its done, kid". But, they just sang. And, was that voice synth needed? Does anyone actually LIKE how that sounds? i think that Cher should be the only person (under Law) to be able to use that thing.I think she kind of sounds like that anyway, so its not really hurting anyone.

And did you all catch Vince Vaughn? What was with that? Who invited him? Was he smokin' a J with Snoop Dogg and just decided to roll in?

I don't know, but I think that a re-release of the original would have been better...but what do I know. I can't tell a Jonas from a Grobin.

Why I am Divorcing Denzel

You expect cinematic crap when a movie comes out staring Jessica Alba, Jessica Beil, Sarah Jessica Parker - well, just about any actor with Jessica in their name. You don't think you are going to see a "Great" film when it stars Katherine Heigel or Eddie Murphy. If you choose to spend your money on movies with these types of stars, then you deserve what you pay for. Personally, I think you should cut out the middle man, pop a bag of Jiffy pop, pour a big glass of soda and flush your $10 straight down the toilet. But that's just me.

But when you choose to see a film with "Academy Award Winners" in them, you expect a little more. And you should. But there are a small group of actors wo know this and are taking advantage of you and your wallet. They are the deceptive actors, the actors who were ONCE great and are now resting on their haunches and basically phoning in every movie they make. And when they TRY, when they actually try to "act" the results are unbearable. I give you: Al Pachino and Robert DeNiro.

And I'd like to add a name to that list: Denzel Washington.

Will someone Please, PLEASE tell Denzel to stop? It's over man. Over. Every time I watch a new movie with him in it, I have to go back and re-watch "Glory" just to get the stink off of me. His newest venture "The Book of Eli" was the straw that broke this camels back. It is yet another post- apocalyptic movie about a lone wanderer who kicks all kinds of ass and tries to save the world...and SOULS! That's right kids - SOULS! He is the last person in the entire world to have a Bible and that makes all the surviving bad dudes mad...because they want the Bible. Hey, I didn't write it.

Somewhere along the way Denzel just stopped trying. He made a string of movies where all he did was don a pair of dark sunglasses and a black leather jacket and walk around like a bad ass. (Training Day, Out of Time, Man on Fire, Inside Man, Taking of Pelham 123...) My point is - he used to be a reputable actor, and now he gets away with total crap because of his celebrity. The man has made tons of movies...but...what have you done for me lately Denzel?

It gets my gander up because I like movies. I like going to movies and talking about them. And I am finding it harder and harder to talk about movies with anyone because people nowadays can't seem to differentiate the crap from the cream. When peoples expectations get lowered they tend to not aim very high at all. And if our "great" actors are giving us shit...what are we supposed to do? I'll tell you what - stop paying them. I have threatened this before, but I mean it this time. I will no longer go see a movie with Denzel Washington in it. It's not much, but unlike Denzel I put my money where my mouth is.

If more of our talented actors would insist on good films (like Meryl Streep) then I would be happy. Until then we are going to be stuck with Denzel Washington telling us to read the Bible. And that dear readers is not a world I wish to live in.