Mad (wo)Men

Last week, I decided to give into my curiosity and give the AMC show "Mad Men" a try. Aside from era in which it takes place, I really didn't know squat about it. I like the sixties fashions, so I decided to give it a whirl. The show is good, but it leaves me feeling - itchy - annoyed - uncomfortable. (Every character on the show is awful! It's like a Joyce Carol Oates novel.) It is a very accurate portrayal of what it was like back then: Heavy drinking, chain smoking, doing both of those while pregnant, womanizing and sexual harassment. Good times.

And yet, I am intrigued. I know how these things work - the female characters will slowly evolve and embrace what little freedoms they have and the male characters will continue to look cool and cheat on their wives. The creator of the show, Matt Weiner, views his show as Feminist. And I think I agree with him. Girls coming up today have no real idea of how this country (USA) treated women in the past. Mad Men shows how much creativity and cunning it took a woman to succeed in a world where she was a decoration/maid.

It has got me thinking about my own views on feminism, and how those views have evolved over time. My ideals started out the same as most young women who come to embrace feminism: Angry. I saw everything as "Anti-Woman". I almost gave a kid a beat down at a mini golf place for handing me a pink ball! (How dare he assume that just because i am a girl I would WANT a pink ball!) The idea was right, but really, we gotta choose our battles. Some things are not ever going to change. And why? Because not everyone agree that "some things" need changing. Took me a long time to come to grips with that one.

But, I studied feminism. I took the obligatory and useless college courses on the matter. I know what the male gaze is and I know every sect of feminism, but that doesn't really help now does it. Taking a class about something as diverse as feminism, and then thinking you know anything about it is like taking one cooking class and then trying to make Baked Alaska. It doesn't really work. You have got to get out there and really learn. So, I did. I read books. I watched movies. I talked to people and went to lectures. I joined NOW. I even wrote my college thesis on feminism- Horror Movies and Feminism: The Final Girl as Hero.

The problem with the movement is that there is no agreement. Some feminist look at Xena and Buffy and say: GREAT! Strong active women (and sexy!) fending for themselves. Others see the same thing a little differently: Over-sexualized women taking on a male, violent role.

I think it's fine to look sexy and kick ass. But that's just me. One persons "GURL POWER" is another persons "STEP BACK". I don't see how any self respecting woman can look at someone like Sara Palin and think - My God! That is what it means to be a woman. And again...that is where our problems lie, girls.

So, while watching Mad Men I began to think "Wow. We really HAVE come a long way." And, for some things we have. Sure there is still a boys club and a Glass Ceiling, but the ceiling is lower and no one takes boys clubs seriously anymore. They are full of old men who haven't changed with the times. But then I got to thinking about women as women. And I don't know how much evolution has really happened - and when it has, has it been for the better?

Let's look at another popular TV show. Grey's Anatomy. Here we have a show based on a self centered resident doctor whose commitment phobia has her "married" to her "boss" on a post it note. And we are supposed to find this adorable and forward thinking. The other women on the show are so man crazy that I simply cannot keep up. Sure, it is a soap opera, so sex is part of it, but really. Could there be at least ONE smart woman on the show? It seems to me that today, women are calling themselves feminist if they decide to sleep around and not get married. I don't think ONE woman on that show is a good example of feminism.

I don't think much has changed since the time of Mad Men. Men still feel trapped in their jobs and like they are the ones who have to bring home the bacon. Women still want to look good for their man. And there is nothing wrong with that. We like being pretty little things in nice packaging. Disagree? Look at all the make up you wear and buy and tell me different.

I guess my whole point here is a simple and old one: To thine own self be true. You don't have to sleep around to prove that you are a forward thinking woman, just as getting married or being in a relationship doesn't mean you don't care about women's rights. Being "single" doesn't make you anymore of a feminist than being married does. I think we have to start looking for a cultural balance before we get lost in the shuffle.

No, You're Schmoopy!

We've all been there. You get into a relationship and it just sort of happens: The Pet Name. And don't act all high and mighty, like you haven't participated, because I will call you "dirty little liar pants". It might be something as simple as Honey. Baby. Babe. Sugar. Love. Sweetie. Darling. - And that's fine, they are still pet names, but they are all perfectly acceptable and fine to use in public. No one is going to want to puke if they hear you calling your husband "Baby". No one will cringe when you open your mouth because they fear the word "BooBoo Bear" will come out. It might not embarrass you to say it, but it is embarrassing to have to listen to. We are embarrassed for you, and for poor "BooBooBear".

The Seinfeld Episode (alluded to in this blog post title) pretty much captured the essence of what not to do. Remember? Jerry and his girlfriend decide it is SO CUTE to call each other "Schmoopy" all the time, and in front of their friends. Their friends were so annoyed by this that they talked about having an intervention. Instead, George and his girlfriend begin calling eachother little nicknames and start talking baby talk. The point comes across.

Which brings me to MY point. Ladies and gentlemen, please take heed and please take this totally personally. If this sounds like you, then it probably is. FOR GOD SAKE, PLEASE STOP REFERRING TO YOUR SPOUSE AS "THE HUBS". PLEASE STOP CALLING YOUR WIFE "THE WIFE". Aside from the above mentioned nick names, the rest annoy us - us being society at large. It's not cute and it makes you sound pretentious. Your friends are to scared to tell you, but believe me they agree with me. Your spouse has a name - use it. It's cool. If you feel the need to call your "Hubby" or "Hubs" or "The Wife" something other than their name, then keep it behind closed doors. Really. Sorry to have to be harsh, but - it is for your own good. Okay, your own good and ours.

Because "The Schmoopy Effect" is deadly, and only you can stop it.

Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star

My Ukulele and I are getting on famously. Less than a week with the little bugger and I have it singing three chords! Three! They are the C, the F and the very difficult (for me) G7. I have even managed to change chords - sometimes seamlessly. I wake up in the morning, go to work, come home and pick up the ukulele and practice. Mine is a fine Ukulele, rich in history and a pretty good instrument from what I understand. My mom bought it many moons ago when we went to Hawaii. My grandpa played the ukulele, and now I do to.

My boyfriend came over last night and I decided to show off for him. I played the C, the F and then the G7 and smiled like I had just discovered the cure to something really bad. I was proud. I even strummed and showed him how I could change the chords, "Like a pro", I thought. I handed the instrument to him and he began to play. Really play. His eyes lit up as he played the three chords i just showed him, and then went on to strum and pick. Ten minutes later he was playing "There's a place in France, where the naked ladies dance..." He comes from a musical family. His dad is a musician, and so is his brother so he feels best when he is making music. And it showed. When music is in you, it has to have an outlet. And it got me thinking about being happy and what that means and if I am really, truly in pursuit of happiness.

I have decided I am not. I thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that I am not chasing happy. I am not pursuing it, or trying to catch it and make it my bitch. I AM happy. When someone says all they want in life is to be happy, they are already admitting defeat. (Think about it this way: Do you want something you already have? No. I don't want a microwave because I already have one.) When you say, "I want to be happy" you are telling the universe that you are NOT happy. And maybe, just maybe that is the reason you can't "get" happy.

I used to be one of those people who focused on the negative without even knowing it. Life was against me. All of the gods, living and dead, had conspired to make my life a miserable one. No matter what good I had, it wasn't. If I had money - it wasn't enough. If I had love - it walked out, and it was always HIS fault. Jobs? yep - but I hated them. I had a Chevy full of excuses as to why I should be felt sorry for, yet it never dawned on me that it was MY OWN DOING. My circumstances (good or bad) were all my fault.

Each moment of each day we make decisions, and sometimes we decide we just don't want to be happy. That's fine, but just make sure that you know you have other options. When you look at your wallet and see no money - don't blame the economy or your shitty job, or the fact that you don't have one. Love life in shambles? Maybe you want it that way. Some people thrive on drama and bad relationships. I decided a while back, after someone turned a very bright and ugly light on me, that I needed to change my ways or I really would be unhappy forever. And I did change. I started by taking full responsibility for every choice I made - good or bad. And it's awesome. I really am happier. Sure, my boyfriend and my friends make me happy, but they don't "MAKE ME" happy. I do that. And by doing that, I enable them to be happy as well.

The universe isn't out to get you. It's out to help you. It wants you to be amazing and creative and rich and cool and all of the things in life that are good. It just wants you to want it too. My ukulele taught me that. And now I am teaching it "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" - just to say thanks.