Plastic Parts Are Made For Toys

I have always adored Barbie. As a little girl, I enjoyed dressing her up to go on dates with Darth Vader and a sepia toned John Wayne torso. (My mom refused to buy me a KEN doll, so I used what was available resulting in either pity dates with the quadriplegic or risking a turn to the Dark side with Lord Vader.) I loved her stiletto heels and her glamourous clothes. I loved her long blond hair and the tiny brush that came in the box. I adored "My First Barbie" because she had slick arms and legs which made for easier costume changes. Of course I went through the rebilious stage and cut all of the hair off one of my Barbie Doll, and then painted her head with nail polish. She was the "Punk" Barbie. (sigh)

As I got older, I still collected Barbie Dolls. I collected the Barbies of the World, and the ones dressed as film characters - like Sandy from the end of Grease, or Marilyn Monroe or Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I kept them in their original boxes and never played with them, like a good little nerd. And I'll tell ya - it was really, REALLY hard not to play with the Bob Mackie Cher Doll.

But as much as I have always loved Barbie, I never once wanted to BE her. For one thing, Barbie is tall and long legged. I am a midget with stubby, but HOT gams. Barbie has a slender figure and I, as I have been told, have a huge ass. And of course, Barbie never ages. How could she? She is a toy, a plastic fashion doll. What little girl would want to dress up a 51 year old doll?

The irony here is that there are millions of 51 year old women trying to look like Barbie, and the results are down right frightening. Take Joan Rivers for example - the woman bares no resemblance to herself, or any other human being anymore. She looks shiny and freakish. Donatella Versace is grotesque. And poor Melanie Griffith is just sad looking.

But why? Why do women do this? Are we so scared of aging that we have to turn to these extremes? I hope not. Because, honestly, if you look at any man or woman who has had any extensive amount of plastic surgery, it just makes them look older. I mean, even if you get the new boobs, and the eye lift, and the face lift and what ever else - you are still going to have saggy elbows and a birthday every year. You get older and there is nothing wrong with that.

To illustrate my point I would like to point out some drop dead GORGEOUS women who have chosen to age naturally. I think that these women (all aged 50 and up) are far more beautiful than these plastic starletts trying to become something that you cannot place to close to a heater. So take head my friends: Beauty is only skin deep - and you any get so much skin.

Meryl Streep - age 50

Iman - age 54

Jaclyn Smith - age 50

Angelica Huston - age 58

Holly Hunter - 50

Susan Sarandon