The Year We Make Contact

It seems that everyone with a blog must do an end of the year-New Year-What-Happened-What-I-am-Gonna-Do-Next-Year-Wrap-Up Type thing. And, looking back 2009 was (to quote Ol'Blue Eyes) a pretty good year. Or was it. Other than the Democrats taking back the white House with an historic election, all I can remember is a lot of death and destruction. Michael Jackson - the King of Pop, and arguably the most famous person in the world - died. As well as Farrah and The Swayze. Swine Flu hysteria hit. Tsunami's and plane crashes killed thousands of people. North Korea let us know they still have nukes and they will test them when they want to. And Oprah quit! What the hell 2009? What's with the doom and destruction? If the best thing you could manage to give us was 'Twilight Mania', then I say bring on the new year.

I recall celebrating last year with my friend Rob, and he said that 2009 would start off rocky, but end on an up note. And it was rocky. Personally, I had a tough year. I felt like I fought my way through most of it. I got fired. I had my work papers revoked. I had more than four jobs and that's just the work side. But, I think my wise friend Rob was right - it is indeed the end of the year and things managed to fall in line. I just wish they would have thought about doing that a little earlier than December. But, hey...who am I to complain. I am here, in Prague LEGALLY. I have a great job, great friends and a fella that I am pretty much crazy about. I also (finally) have a new flat to call my own. No roommate hassles anymore.

So, what's to look forward to in 2010? Well, I for one have some awesome plans. And by awesome I mean both 'cool' and daunting. First, like everyone does this time of year, I have had to take a look at my health. I am doing pretty damn good. I look about 10 years younger than I am (so I am told) and I am doing 'alright' where my weight is concerned. But I could be doing better. I will be 36 years old in a few weeks and I have to start thinking about the big picture. I don't think people smoke in the big picture, at least not when they are old enough to know better and don't have an actual addiction. I smoke about two times a week and I don't really ever feel the need to smoke. My boyfreind (who is a fairly heavy smoker) asked me why I smoke if I have a choice not too. I don't have a good answer so...I am gonna stop. Right after my Birthday.

I am also going to start eating (gulp) more vegetables. I hate vegetables, but if I want to continue looking and feeling hot - then I think I have to try and befriend broccoli and cauliflower. Dear lord, help me. I could stand to lose about 20lbs, and that ain't gonna happen eating gummie bears and beer.

My BIGGEST plan for 2010 is musical in nature, and I am pretty jazzed about it. As most of you know, I like to sing. I sing once a week at karaoke and each week someone says the same thing to me: You have an amazing voice! Are you in a band? (no) Well, you should be.

And I should be. My friends keep telling me that they would come see me, and I know I would do well. The problem up until now has been that everyone I know who plays anything here already has a band or two. No one has time for me. And, I don't play any instrument well enough to accompany myself. It was then that I decided to learn the guitar. I thought it was a perfect solution until I remembered that my hands are too small to make the chords (same with the piano). So, what's a girl to do? Well, my fella sent me a YouTube video of one of my favorite songs - Rich Girl, by Hall and Oates - and it was sung by a girl playing THE UKULELE! It was a "lightbulb moment". I wrote to my mom to see if she still has the one that we got in Hawaii 20 years ago, and she does! So, ladies and germs I am going to learn the ukuele and I am going to start having my own little shows here in Prague. Damn Straight.

Watch out 2010, cause I'm a comer.

10 Just Ain't Enough...

I like to make lists. And I love movies. So, what follows is MY list of the best movies of 2009.

Something to keep in mind - I live in Prague, so I don't get to see everything. I have watched some movies online, and others I have missed because I really want a good version. So, keep that in mind before you jump down my throat for not putting "Where The Wild Things Are" on my list. Okay? Here we go...

16. 'JCVD' - That's right, Jean Claude Van Damn, bitches. This is a sweet drama/action/comedy based on the real JCVD, but fictionalized. Just watch it.

15. 'Drag Me to Hell' - Sam Raimi gets back to basics with this funny, and cool horror movie. Evil Dead fans, prepare to be happy. And, It's nice to see a horror movie that's not "Horror Porn".

14. 'The Cove' - The Documentary of the year. Exciting, moving and devastating. I love you Flipper.

13. 'The Hangover' - I'm sorry, but I laughed my ass off both times I watched this. A classic. And, who says comedy isn't "real film making"?

12. 'Bronson' - Based on the true story of the worst criminal ever. He bad. Not for the weak of heart, but the acting is amazing.

11. 'Moon' - Didn't see it, did ya? Sam Rockwell stars with himself doing his best homage to 'Silent Running' AWESOME.

10. 'Sunshine Cleaning' - Bittersweet. And Alan Arkin. And lot's of blood.

9. 'A Serious Man' - The Cohen Brothers. Need I say more?

8. 'Away We Go' - Wonder what other families are like? See this. See this just for Maggie Gyllenhaal.

7. 'UP' - I laughed, I cried. I wanted a talking dog. ADVENTURE.

6. 'Avatar' - I know, I know. Everyone says it's awesome. Well, it is.

5. 'Julie & Julia' - Meryl Streep. Need I say more? Okay, how about BUTTER. Pure magic.

4. 'The Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans' - Nick Cage redeems himself for 'The Wickerman'.

3. 'The Fantastic Mr. Fox' - Wes Anderson did it again. Pitch perfect from start to finish. And, of course, a great soundtrack.

2. 'Up in the Air' - Deserves every bit of hype it got.

1. 'Inglourious Basterds' - Tarantino's Masterpiece. Who knew Nazi hunting could be so much fun!? I still haven't seen a version with English subtitles, and I am still proclaiming it the best movie I have seen all year.

GLEE!

When I moved here in 2006, I had already been off of T.V. for about two years - a thought that makes some people I know squirm with uncomfortableness. I grew up watching more T.V. than most people should watch in their lifetime, so I feel like I have gotten my fill. I didn't go through the DT's as some kid's do when they get here: HOW WILL I WATCH MY SHOWS!? I have actually seen people move back to America just so they could watch T.V. Anyway, my point is I am a little behind when it comes to the Boob Tube. Just last winter I watched The Soprano's. I had no idea it had ended. When I was in Mexico, I started watching DVD's of The Wire and got hooked on that. Then someone told me about Dexter and the rest is

a total waste of my time! I watched an entire season of America's Next Top Model! I watched Project Runway, Nurse Jackie and some Family Guy, some Simpson's and The Office. Sure, some of it is fun - but really - most of it is a waste of time. I liked my life a whole lot better before someone showed me how to "stream". I like books, and I am just not paying enough attention to them. Sure, I watch less crap than most of my American counter parts, but that is no excuse. I don't WANT to watch that much! I think TiVo is the devil, but that is another blog.

But then came GLEE.

Oh dear lord. My best friend hit the high C on the head when she said that the producer's of that show must have a direct link into my head and are making a T.V. show out of it. GLEE taps into that gay, LIZA loving, misfit, musical theater, sequin wearing nerd that dwells not very far beneath the bitchin' exterior that is ... me. I mean the first episode had the cast singing (in five part harmony, no less!) "Don't Stop Believin'"! I almost pee'd my pants when the AMAZING Kristen Chenoweth appeared and sang "Maybe This Time" from - CABARET! And, to top it all off, the season finale featured the amazing "Rachel" singing my karaoke standard "Don't Rain on My Parade" only to be followed by "You Can't Always Get What You Want". Now, if you have known me for a while, you know why this show is so made for me.

I know, you are thinking - what a total dork. And maybe you are right. I am a dork. But the lovable kind. This show makes singing seem as cool as I think it is! It even features a vile Cheerleading coach played by the amazing Jane Lynch. She plays Sue Sylvester - a woman who's aim in life is to bring down the GLEE Club. Here is one of my favorite quotes of hers to Will, the Glee Club director: "You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian."

And, I just found out the GLEE got a ton of nominations for the Golden Globes. This makes me happy. I have been a Musical Theater dork my whole life. I love show tunes and I love singing in harmony. I believe that music, and singing can bring out the best in you. I watch old MGM musicals and consider Danny Kaye, Judy Garland and Gene Kelly some of my favorite actors. The fact that Glee is out there, and that people are responding in a positive way to it gives me hope. So, I guess it's okay if I watch a little T.V. Just as long as there is some bitchin' choreography, pithy dialog and some awesome music.

Thanks Glee.

Christmas News

Christmas Newsletters. I hate them. I hate that they took the place of Christmas cards, and that they are intrusively stuffed into them. I hate that the sender is assuming that I have a desire to know what little Kathy achieved in Pre-School this year, or that The Flannahan's vacationed in Hawaii! What ever happened to the simple card with the greeting "Merry Christmas"? A Christmas card should be a joy to receive and make the person getting it feel special, not like a jerk for not keeping up with the Jones. I mean, if you were really friends, wouldn't you about all of that stuff already? Of course you would, which means the news letter is really just saying - "Hello! I know our family sucks at keeping in touch, so we are going to cram it into this letter. We actually don't care if you want this information or not. We are sending it to everyone we know to insure that our Christmas card has that old fashioned "personal" feeling. The computer will print out the copies and The Mrs. will sign all of our names. We will put some pictures of our son's extravagant wedding that we didn't invite you to, and we will also show the new car we got for our darling Jane. Isn't she gorgeous! We think so! Merry Christmas!" Hell, if that's what you are sending to the North Pole, Santa might just put some coal in your stocking.

The worst offender of the Christmas Newsletter was my Uncle. (may he rest in peace) I looked forward to these letters every year because they were a mass of horrors printed on cheery Christmas themed paper. I am NOT exaggerating. One letter told of the heinous car accident that he and his wife had been in and how they had to be air lifted from the (and I quote) "twisted bloody metal". It always included a list of ailments and treatments that anyone in their family might have been afflicted with, and how much pain they were in. A graphic description of gallstones always makes me feel like cracking open the eggnog and singing some carols. When there was a death in the family, a picture was always included as well as a full description of how it occurred. Electrocution is a merry maker. I kind of wish I had kept them, because they really do have to be seen to be believed.

When I lived in America, I always sent out Christmas cards. It felt good to know a friend would get a surprise in the mail. I don't think that the newsletter really has the same feel. The newsletter is impersonal and it reeks of "LOOK AT ME!". I think if you really care you should pick up the phone and have a little chat with those people you call friends. They will appreciate the call, and furthermore appreciate not being forced to read about everything you kid did this year. I promise - it will save your friendship. And, some trees.

HO HO HO. Merry Christmas.

Tiger Tiger Burning Bright

And yet another scandal to captivate Americans. This time, America's Son Tiger Woods cheated on us...eh...I mean his wife.

To this i say a hefty SO WHAT!?

Sure, cheating is bad. We all agree on this. But is it really THAT bad? I remember the Clinton/Lewinski "scandal" and I felt the same way. People across the vast lands of America climbed upon their high horses, rode them to the tops of the Purple Mountains Majesty and proclaimed him a bad President because he cheated on Hillary. (who nobody liked anyway!) I am pretty sure that getting a hummer in the Oval office did not impair his ability to do his job. Probably quite the opposite.

And now, the same thing is happening to Tiger Woods. Gillette has dropped him from future ads because of his personal life. And I think that sucks.

What if someone held you to the same scrutiny? Could you withstand it? Be careful...

I will be perfectly honest here. I have been cheated on, and I have cheated. I guess I deserve to lose my job. I guess if that is all I was - "a cheater" - then maybe it would be deserved. But it's not. I have fine morals - they might not be agreeable to you, but I don't care. I am a good person, and I bet Tiger Woods is too. I don't know him personally, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Pretty much all I know about the guy is from watching him on Oprah a few years ago. He is mixed race, he is stupid good at golf, ridiculously rich, he is married and has some rug rats and apparently he cheats on the Mrs.

The fact is he is an athlete - a great one - (from what I understand) and nothing more. We need to stop holding Athletes, actors, musicians, models and...who ever up to these super high standards and then waiting for them to fail. It's not fair. And don't give me that whole line about how much money he makes and how it's all part of being famous. Bull Shit. Can you do what he does? How about Micheal Jordan or Kobe? I didn't think so. These guys get paid because they worked hard and have a special talent that we don't. You don't like it? Then don't buy the products they endorse. Don't watch their games on T.V. But for goodness sake - don't vilify them for being human.

The Other Shoe

It is December, ad while most of my friends in the states are busy putting up Christmas trees and facing the mobs at the malls, I am here in Prague not doing any of that. This will mark my fifth or sixth year not having a Christmas tree, or doing any Christmas shopping at all. It still feels like Christmas since every square in town has Holiday Markets and huge trees, so don't go feeling sorry for me. In fact, you should be happy for me. Why? Because for the first time in a LONG time - I am really happy.

I am so happy that I am a little scared to trust it. Yesterday I went to the (dreaded) Foreign Police to FINALLY get my long term Visa. And I got it. 1000kc and ten minutes later I walked out of there with the Visa in my passport. My fight to remain here (legally) is finally over. The Language School that tried to kick me out of the country did not succeed. I did. I am here, and I ain't going anywhere. I feel like I have been stressing about this for so long, that I won't know what to do when I don't have to look over my shoulder any longer.

To add to the list of things going in the right direction - I found a little flat to call my own. And, I stress the word little. TINY! But, that's alright. It is in the right neighborhood - more or less - and the price is right. The real bonus is that I don't have to live with a roommate. Unless I am living with my boyfriend, I don't want to live with anyone. I am a very solitary person, and I prefer to spend time alone. Not to mention I am a little anal and compulsive when it comes to dishes and kitchen things. But, we all have our little quirks, don't we?

So, all of the sudden everything in my life that has been worrying me has been resolved. I am in love, I am legal, and I found a flat where I can live alone.

Um, this isn't right.

A little voice in my head keeps whispering that to me. I keep telling that voice to go bother someone else, but it is relentless. This is the first time in recent history that I can recall the wind blowing my way. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I work so hard for what I want and then wait for that proverbial other shoe to come crashing down on my noggin? Right now, at this very moment I have everything in the world that i want. I am happy and content. And, for the life of me I can't stop feeling like someone or something will take it away. And that's just stupid. I know that - logically. And it pisses me off that I have let all of that negativity.

Right NOW - everything is good. I am happy. And, NOW is the only thing that really matters, right? The past is over and the future is something that you have no control over so...why not just be freaking happy in the moment that is NOW!? Eckhart Tolle says, "The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future — which, of course, can only be experienced as the Now". Makes sense, right?

I think I am going to stop waiting for the shoe to drop. Hell, I am just going to go barefoot.

NaNoWriMo - Wrap Up

The Goal: To write (and complete) a novel (50,000 words or more) in 30 days.

I did not complete the goal. I guess, technically I failed. But, I don't feel like a failure - not like I have the past 5 years. I wrote 35,000 words, not to shabby. My excuses? Well, I have a few, but I guess they don't matter. Not really. The fact is, for whatever reasons, be they good or not, I did not complete the task I set for myself. But, I am still pretty proud of my accomplishment.

I learned that I can still write. I learned that there are stories inside of me that are scratching at the door, pounding to get out. That is a revelation. I learned that I am a fairly good writer. I learned that I have some great friends out there who want me to succeed. Most people i know were (are) very supportive of me and my writing. Sure, a few people laughed at what i was doing and thought the whole idea was stupid. A couple of people never understood why I would put myself through something like that and smiled when I had to throw in the towel. Some people are never happier than when someone else fails. But, I tried to do something on my own - and that's more than most people ever do.

I think the real goal of NaNoWriMo was to push. I realized that I go through life pretty easy, never really forcing myself to be great and do great things. This forced me to think outside of the box, and made me think that I can do more. I can. I did. I have no excuses. You just sometimes need a push - a kick in the ass. I read a Craigslist post that kind of sums it up perfectly. A guy was looking to hire someone to be his arch enemy. He needed someone to push him and help him strive for more in his life - and I say do whatever it take to get er done.

So, thanks to all of you who supported me in this endeavor. You rock. And to all of you I say this: Go forward and find some really huge mountain (be it figurative or just a really big mountain, if that's your thing) and go climb the fucker. Break free from your mold and reach beyond what you know you can do and DO SOMETHING BIGGER.

GRAND.
ENORMOUS.
EXCELLENT.

Just stop settling for normal. You can do better than that, I know you can.