The Cult of ME

There is a virus going around right now. You have probably seen it, or even caught a strain of it yourself. It thrives on your need to be seen and be a little self indulgent and it encourages you to become the vapid narcissist you always accused Jennifer Lopez, Paris Hilton and Madonna of being. This virus is called Facebook. And it is eating your soul.

I am no judge here, I have fallen victim to it myself, but I have now seen the error of my ways.

In the past few weeks, a harmless little not has been circulating the on line community of my "friends". It is called 25 Random Things About You... Now, at first glance it is a cute little note in which you share with your friends some little tid-bits that may have otherwise gone unnoticed. When I posted this myself, I was happy to find that my REAL friends already knew all of my so called Random facts. Why? Because they are my friends. I wrote of some quirky habits and that I like to sing. Not real news to anyone who knows me.

Evolution.

In the past four months or so, people that I knew in high school have been "requesting my friendship" on Facebook. Again. At first it was a morbid curiosity to see who got fat, what people looked like 20 years later and see what they were doing. Now, I am a bit put off by it. I think there is a reason i am not friends with most of them anymore. I have nothing in common with them. I have realized this after reading some the random things about these people.

I now know people who: Are scared of ALL Muslims. Think Barack Obama is going to lead America into the 7th ring of Hell. Take pride in the fact that they worked as a "war Contractor" - or War Profiteer as it should be called. Think George W. Bush was someone to be thankful for. Think Global Warming is a "myth". Belong to the NRA. Think war is the answer. Hate gay people. Have more money and "stuff" than god and complain about the state of the economy. Think that "protecting their children" means hating.

You get where I am going here. If wouldn't tolerate these people in my "real" life, why am I doing it online? Because we have a shared past? We had the same teacher in the sixth grade? We grew up knowing the same people? I don't know if it is enough, and I don't know if I can keep letting myself get upset and annoyed by how ugly some people have become. I don't claim to be perfect by any means,and i am not intolerant of a "conservative" viewpoint. I just do not understand the need people have to broadcast it to the world.

If you are stupid enough to "publish" your burgeoning relationship on the site - the world knows when you have broken up. Your friends now know that you are shit at scrabble and that you read books like "The Da Vinci Code". You feel special because yo have so many friends. They know you are a poor speller and they stalk you daily. Possible employers look at your page and wonder about your habits, hobbies and your wife. It's just all out there and it's out there because YOU did it.

I know what you are thinking. "Alicia...um...what about this blog?" Well, let me defend myself by saying - FIRST: this was created because I am lazy and didn't want to email everyone I know when I moved to Europe. SECOND: It is you choice to read it. You have to actually seek it out.

This is not the case on Facebook. I am constantly inundated with peoples every thought and feeling whether I like it or not. That is just plain intrusive. I spent years cultivating a life that is pleasant and that involves positive and uplifting people from all walks of life that share similar and opposing views to my own. Now i feel trapped in these fake friendships that i was fine living without. Sure, I have reconnected with some people on Facebook that I have missed over the years, and I have found the new friendship to be just as rewarding as the old. but, I guess you just don't know that until you "Accept" them as a friend.

And I guess that's the point. I don't know that I do - accept them - that is. And maybe they feel the same way about me.

35

As most of you know, I turned 35 yesterday. THIRTY-FIVE. That's kind of a big one in the scheme of birthdays. And, I have to admit that for the first time in my life, I was having a hard time with "getting older". I should explain that a bit. It's not that I am having a hard time with the actual aging thing - hell I still pass for twenty-five. It's more the accomplishment thing. I mean, when I go back to the states to visit my friends - I feel like a kid visiting grown ups. My friends all have ...very grown up lives and very grown up homes. Me? I am happy to have a few color books and crayons. Seriously.

What have I really done with my life?

I have been married - and divorced. I have lived in Europe for almost three years, and Mexico for a few months. I am well traveled. I have seen a LOT of films and I am able to discuss the in an intelligent manner. I have had great sex. I have gone to some cool music festivals and concerts. I have given away almost all of my possessions. I have shot a hand gun and a semi automatic. I have watched every Star Wars film in order from start to finish in one sitting. I know how to fix a toilet and I can drink whiskey or Absinthe with the best of them. I have been tattooed and I have been broken hearted. I have climbed Pikes Peak (twice), the Grand Canyon, gone rock climbing and white water rafting. I have sang with the LA Philharmonic and been hit on by Paulie Shore. I have met countless celebrities and been on TV. I have been to the Olympic games and I have been to the Rodeo. I have been skinny dipping in public and I have hopped on a train spur of the moment. I played on a baseball team, a Roller Derby team and I was a girl scout, a Brownie, a Bluebird and even a cub Scout. I have brewed my own beer and drank wine that costs more than a months rent. I have been in the audience for a game show and i have won a door prize and a lottery. I have been to NYC and seen a show on Broadway. I have sent a message in a bottle and I have been a good pen pal. I have eaten fish and chips in London and fresh out of the ocean shrimp in Mexico. I have taken a bus for over twelve hours and I have fallen in love. I have slept under the stars, seen a bear, and I have laughed until I cried. I have tiled a floor, built a garden and lived through a few car wrecks. I have been cheated on and I have cheated. I have broken a heart or two. I have lied. I have gambled in Vegas, gone to College and I have kissed the Blarney Stone. I have visited a concentration camp. I was a part of Hands Across America (not by choice...) I have been a waitress, a bartender, a teacher and a slave. I have ridden an elephant and a camel. And a Greyhound. I have left the driving to them. I have watched whales and birds. I have driven PCH alone. I have told my boss to shove it and I have been fired. I have kissed a girl. I have been on welfare.

Hmm...Not bad. So whats left? Well, if I tell you then I'd have to kill you. I'll just say, I am not done traveling. I have yet to see Paris and Barcelona. And, I will write that book one of these days. But all in all - I think I have done a good job at the whole living thing in the past thirty five years. Sure I don't own a car or a house or even a dog - but my life is MINE.

Auntie Mame said, "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death."

Yep, but not me.

Stiffen my resolve

It's 2009. This is not news to anyone with a heart beat, but it bears repeating at this time of year. Every December 31 folks like to take a moment to look back at the year that has past, reflect on the good and the bad and ultimately decide what they need to change in their own lives to make the new year a better one. We decide to spend less time at work and more time with family. We decide THIS is the year we are going to really hit the gym and get into shape. We are going to quit smoking or drinking and we are going to do abstract things like enjoy life more and learn new things. We vow to get out of debt, get organized and to become better citizens.

Me? I am feeling a little uninspired as of late. I don't know if it is the new year, my birthday or the alignment of the stars. Maybe Venus is in retrograde or something. Maybe I am lacking in iron. Maybe I am suffering from seasonal affective disorder. Seriously.(SAD) Did you know that there was such a thing? I guess people get depressed and start eating mountains of potatoes, sleeping a lot and not going out because of the early darkness. Um, I thought that was just winter. But, I was wrong. It is a disorder called SAD. If Saturday Night Live invented a disorder - that's what they would call it. Anyway. I have just been in a funk since New Years.

New Year was a blast this year, don't get me wrong. For the first time since moving to Prague 3 years ago I didn't spend New Years Eve in the mad mad center of Town. Instead, Claire and I stayed in the Ziz. We got all dolled up and went to the Blind Eye and partied til dawn. It was fun. I was happy to be with friends in the warmth and comfort of a bar, not on the streets playing target practice with the trams. New Years day was spent with the roomie on the couch in the living room watching Zombie movies - a fitting way to ring in the New Year while hung over. We had a good time giggling at the horrible dialog ("Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" Swig from flask) and the super cool "special guest" Zombies. Honestly - next time you watch DAY OF THE DEAD, play a little I Spy. We found CLOWN Zombie, PIZZA MAKER Zombie, BRIDE Zombie, MILITARY Zombie and many more. Seriously - hours of fun. Anyway, I had a great holiday season.

So, why then am I zipless? Why am I lacking in luster? Why is my proverbial blanket wet?

I have no answers. I mean, one reason could be the fact that it is -10 outside and I am not one who wants to freeze my ever expanding ass off. The snow is so much prettier from the comfort of my room. Another reason could be that i am poor. Wait...not poor. BROKE. So, going out is something to save all my Koruns for. Or maybe, just maybe it is perfectly normal to take a break from being on the go, in a good mood, super charged party girl all the time. I don't want to resolve to be a better person, or a different person. I want to be me, and I want to be happy about that. So...

I resolve, in 2009, to play it cool. Act accordingly. Run. Skip. Jump. Spin. Make at least 14 things with my hands. Break something. Drink tea. Find a new place and go there. Color. Sparkle. Look up. Be pretty. Flirt. Dance with total abandon. Laugh as much as possible. Practice my bad ass Buffy kicks. Write post cards. Take my vitamins. Take my licks. Write something incredible. Go to the Zoo. Smile. Cry. Sing. And well, fuck it. Just be myself.

I am after all pretty effing cool.