Always a critic

I have seen more movies than you. This is a fact that is not up for debate. You might think you have seen more movies than me but you are wrong. I promise. Of the AFI Top 100 Films of all time I have seen all but 20 of them. Films are my life. It is what I do. I can remember every movie I have ever seen, where i first saw it, who I saw it with and sometimes even where i was sitting. Movies are the great joy in my life. I like EVERY genre. I love horror. I love westerns. I adore dance films and musicals. Who doesn't like a good comedy? Fantasy and Sci Fi? Bring it. Action Adventure? Yes please. I am an equal opportunity critic. Yes, that's right. CRITIC.

I am a critic. I pride myself on being able to watch a film with a critical eye. Whether I am seeing Knocked Up or There Will Be Blood - I view the movie not as a consumer, but as a critic. As a society i believe that we have gotten lazy. We no longer ask for much when it comes to our "entertainment". If there is a gang of shit blowing up, some T&A and a good soundtrack - we the people will be happy. We seem not to care anymore if there is a plot, a story or good writing. We just want it shown to us. Not me. I expect more.

I know what you are thinking - "Alicia, not EVERY movie has to be important. Movies can just be fun". And you are correct. I totally agree. There is room for Armageddon and Grindhouse and Juno. My point is, there should NOT be room for the likes of I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry, White Chicks and the NUMEROUS bad sequels. (i.e. Shrek the Third, Pirate's of the Caribbean at the World's End, and Rush Hour 3) We need to hold our film makers to a higher standard. Take, for example 40 Year Old Virgin. I loved this movie. It was smart, funny and even a bit sweet. It was well written and well acted. Sure there was pot smoking and potty humor, but that's ok. AS LONG AS IT IS DONE WELL! Just because you laugh does not mean its funny. Think about it for a minute. I'll wait.

Do you see what I mean? Take these two horror movies for example. One of which I liked and the other I deem as CRAP. Now, horror is an interesting genre. You have to view the movie within the confines of the genre. For example, when I go see a slasher movie like Halloween or The Hills Have Eyes (both remakes of great films by the way) I expect a few things: I expect a LOT of blood and carnage. I expect an awesome amount of gratuidous violence. I expect a bad guy and I expect him to kill people in a creative fashion. Now, within those confines you can have a shitty film (SAW 5, The Ring) or an awesome film (Carrie, Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Understand? no?

The Ring (the remake) was 100% pure shit. Now, before you chop my head off (ha. no pun intended) let me explain why. I know a lot of you thought it was "scary". You are wrong, it wasn't. Sure, you might have jumped a few times, but there is a BIG difference between being SCARED and be startled. I can hide behind your bathroom door and yell "BOO!" at you for much cheaper and give you the same reaction. The Ring was not scary. It was the story of a cursed video tape - in 2002 mind you - who the fuck still had video tapes then? Anyway, a cursed video tape containing a seemingly random series of disturbing, grainy, black and white images. After watching the tape, the viewer receives a phone call in which a voice condemns the viewer to death in exactly seven days. OOOOOOH! Scary! Um, don't watch the fucking tape. End of movie. "But Alicia...the girl crawling out of the TV...!" Seriously? Really? Are you really worried about that actually happening to you...EVER? Aside from the fact that the movie left about 100 unanswered questions, and had a longer ending than Lord of the Rings 3 - it was just not frightening. You will have to do better than stringing together a series of "spooky images" in order to scare me. I have a fucking brain and it still works even in the darkness of a movie theater.

And that my friends is my point. Just because the film maker is TELLING you their movie is scary or funny does not mean it is. Start thinking again. I think we can begin to expect more from our films than...um... Dark Water. Did you see this? I am now supposed to be afraid of a LEAK IN MY CEILING. Honestly. My sink gurgles every once in a while, should I be concerned that a small Asian child will emerge from it and look at me with spooky eyes?

All of the above is useful for you in order to read the following. I get asked ALL of the time to recommend movies to people, or what the "best" movie is. Well folks. Here it is. I give you my TOP 5 in each genre.Picking only 5 is hard...but here goes. In no particular order.
* A caveat - these are not necessarily THE BEST films in the genre, but my favorites. Big Difference there, but I will spare you that lesson. So just know, that when I choose a movie - a lot goes into it. Consider this an early Christmas Gift.

SPORTS: (I know, I hate sports - but i LOVE sports movies!)
1. Rocky
2. Bull Durham - of all of Costner's baseball movies this is the best
3. Hoosiers
4. The Natural
5. A League of Their Own
4. The Natural

MUSICALS: (Actual singing and dancing in the movie)
1. Grease
2. Cabaret
3. All That Jazz
4. Singing in the Rain
5. Wizard of Oz/ West Side Story - couldn't decide.

TEEN/HIGH SCHOOL:
1. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
2. The Breakfast Club
3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
4. Sixteen Candles
5. Mean Girls/ Rushmore - couldn't decide

WESTERNS:
1. Unforgiven
2. High Noon
3. Pale Rider
4. Magnificent Seven (or Seven Samuri)
5. Shane/Tombstone - couldn't decide

COMEDY: (this was TOUGH!)
1. Dr. Strangelove or How I stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb
2. Bringing Up Baby
3. The Jerk or Caddyshack
4. This is Spinal Tap - ANY Christopher Guest movie. I picked the 1st.
5. Tootsie

ROMANCE: (um...totally couldn't decide here)
1. An Affair to Remember - Cary Grant version
2. When Harry Met Sally...
3. Secretary
4. The Way We Were/The Ghost and Mrs. Muir/Harold and Maude
5. Wuthering Heights (1939)

HORROR: (Straight up horror - not thrillers and this was REALLY HARD!)
1. The Exorcist
2. Halloween (1978)
3. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
4. Dawn of the Dead - either version rocks - And Shaun of the Dead!
5. The Thing/Carrie/Psycho

THRILLER/SUSPENSE:
1. Rear Window
2. Gaslight
3. Silence of the Lambs
4. The Sixth Sense/The Usual Suspects
5. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

SCI FI:
1. Alien
2. Star Wars/Empire Strikes Back
3. Blade Runner
4. Repo Man/The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
5. ET/A Clockwork Orange

ANIMATION:
1. Cinderella
2. The Little Mermaid
3. The Incredibles
4. Shrek
5. Finding Nemo

FANTASY:
1. Willow
2. Lord of the Rings (all of them)
3. The Goonies
4. The Princess Bride
5. The Dark Crystal

GANGSTER:
1. The Godfather & The Godfather 2
2. Goodfellas
3. Pulp Fiction
4. Bonnie and Clyde
5. Scarface

HEIST:
1. The Thomas Crown Affair
2. Reservoir Dogs
3. Bottle Rocket
4. Ocean's 11 (both versions)
5. Inside Man

COURTROOM DRAMA:
1. To Kill a Mockingbird
2. A Cry in the Dark
3. Presumed Innocent
4. The Verdict
5. The Jagged Edge

EPIC:
1. Braveheart
2. Dances with Wolves
3. Gone With the Wind
4. Schindler's List
5. Lawrence of Aribia/Citizen Kane

FOREIGN:
1. Life is Beautiful
2. Belle de Jour/the umbrellas of cherbourg
3. Persona
4. Jules et Jim/The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
5. City of Lost Children/ Amelie

ACTION:
1. Die Hard
2. Kill Bill & Kill Bill Vol 2
3. Lethal Weapon
4. THE BOURNE SUPREMACY
5. The Road Warrior

COMIC BOOK:
1. X Men
2. Unbreakable
3. Spiderman
4. Batman Begins/The Dark Knight
5. American Splendor/Ghostworld

DANCE:
1. Fame
2. Flashdance
3. Dirty Dancing
4. Saturday Night Fever
5. Strictly Ballroom

An open Letter to America post election.

Dear America,

Good job! Way to go with that whole election thing. I am really proud of you. But seriously, were you ever really considering electing McCain and that beauty pageant winner? No way! You are America! You can see through that kind of stuff. So, again. Good job. Now crack open some of that pale crap you call beer and give yourselves a pat on the back, you deserve it. Because now is when the real work starts America.

I know, I know. You are still feeling the rush of electing a black man as President. And you should feel good! It is about time we did a little something right for a change. We don't need to look at the fact that most every other country in the entire world has had either a woman or a person of color as their leader. We try to fear first and ask questions a decade or two later. We are America! (we're number 1! We're number 1!) So what if we are a little behind on progress.

But listen up America. It can't stop with Obama, and he really can't do it alone. He needs your help. Heck, WE need your help.

America has a long way to go. I have been outside looking in and what I see kind of sucks a lot of the time. I know. How can I say that? Well, check it out.

- A lot of people in America still think building a wall to keep people from getting in is a good idea. Ask some people in China or Germany about walls. Melting pot? Nope. We are kidding ourselves America. We "say" that we want your tired masses yearning to breathe free, but what we really mean is - not in my back yard. Try to look beyond yourself America and see what FREEDOM is really all about. I know its hard, but I have faith in us!

- A lot of American's still use the phrase "good family values". This is a problem America. Why? It is exclusionary, which, I guess is a basic American principle these days. Good Family Values = christian, straight, pro military, SUV owning, dollar spending, 2.5 kid family. This idea of family values sucks, nation. We need to stop saying that and give the rest of the country a chance to feel the wind of freedom blowing through their hair. Yes, that means gays. Yes, that means Atheisits. Yes, that means single mothers or people who just don't want to get married and have kids. It means people who look different, act different and think different than you do. Stop being so afraid of what you don't know America - you might just be pleasantly surprised.

- A lot of America still thinks that war, guns and military power is the way. And hell, I'd be with you if this were a Rambo movie. But it is not. Our country has gotten totally out of control with killing, bombing and threatening. We say we are protecting ourselves - but from what exactly? WMD's? Please. Oil. OIL. OIL. We are a greedy nation. We ask for what we want and then just take it. We make fun of people who are anti-war by calling them hippies or peace freaks. Sorry nation. But get a grip. STOP KILLING PEOPLE BOTH DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY. Maybe we can start by canceling Africa's "so called" debt to us and for the first time HELP rather than harm. I promise America. You'll dig it. It feels better than a massage with a happy ending.

- A lot of Americans are under the age of sixteen. I think we call them "children". They seem to be a thing that we feel the need to "protect" and "nurture". Really? Um, America? You need to fire your baby sitter cause your kids are out of control! Seriously! Like ready for Springer. I know, you are thinking. "well, not MY kids". Yep. That's the attitude that got us here. America? Our children can't find Iraq on a map, but the military is recruiting them to go there anyway. Our kids know more about Youtube than about history. Our kids are in schools that are falling apart. Our kids are getting as fat and lazy as their parents and we have the fucking nerve to blame...anyone else. It's OUR fault America. It's our fault for valuing sports in school more than English. It's OUR fault for selling them a cheeseburger and a coke for lunch EVERYDAY. It's our fault that we have "Black History Month" - last time I checked Black history was integral to the story of America - not just a months worth of Dr. King and Rosa Parks.It's OUR fault for allowing our hate to seep in and turn to disillusionment. Our youth is disenchanted because we made them that way.

So, you see my point country? We did a pretty cool thing in electing Obama, but it is time to get our lazy ass out of that Lay-Z Boy and get to work. We have to do more than go to the polls. We have to do more than vote for the candidate who promises change. WE actually have to change. We have to act. He'll only be as good as a President as we force him to be. So lets get our asses in gear and fix this shit. i am tired of being laughed at. And you should be too. I know you can't hear it from where you are, but if you turn down Dancing With the Stars long enough - you'll hear it. But we can change.

Yes, we can.