Tiger Tiger Burning Bright

And yet another scandal to captivate Americans. This time, America's Son Tiger Woods cheated on us...eh...I mean his wife.

To this i say a hefty SO WHAT!?

Sure, cheating is bad. We all agree on this. But is it really THAT bad? I remember the Clinton/Lewinski "scandal" and I felt the same way. People across the vast lands of America climbed upon their high horses, rode them to the tops of the Purple Mountains Majesty and proclaimed him a bad President because he cheated on Hillary. (who nobody liked anyway!) I am pretty sure that getting a hummer in the Oval office did not impair his ability to do his job. Probably quite the opposite.

And now, the same thing is happening to Tiger Woods. Gillette has dropped him from future ads because of his personal life. And I think that sucks.

What if someone held you to the same scrutiny? Could you withstand it? Be careful...

I will be perfectly honest here. I have been cheated on, and I have cheated. I guess I deserve to lose my job. I guess if that is all I was - "a cheater" - then maybe it would be deserved. But it's not. I have fine morals - they might not be agreeable to you, but I don't care. I am a good person, and I bet Tiger Woods is too. I don't know him personally, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Pretty much all I know about the guy is from watching him on Oprah a few years ago. He is mixed race, he is stupid good at golf, ridiculously rich, he is married and has some rug rats and apparently he cheats on the Mrs.

The fact is he is an athlete - a great one - (from what I understand) and nothing more. We need to stop holding Athletes, actors, musicians, models and...who ever up to these super high standards and then waiting for them to fail. It's not fair. And don't give me that whole line about how much money he makes and how it's all part of being famous. Bull Shit. Can you do what he does? How about Micheal Jordan or Kobe? I didn't think so. These guys get paid because they worked hard and have a special talent that we don't. You don't like it? Then don't buy the products they endorse. Don't watch their games on T.V. But for goodness sake - don't vilify them for being human.

The Other Shoe

It is December, ad while most of my friends in the states are busy putting up Christmas trees and facing the mobs at the malls, I am here in Prague not doing any of that. This will mark my fifth or sixth year not having a Christmas tree, or doing any Christmas shopping at all. It still feels like Christmas since every square in town has Holiday Markets and huge trees, so don't go feeling sorry for me. In fact, you should be happy for me. Why? Because for the first time in a LONG time - I am really happy.

I am so happy that I am a little scared to trust it. Yesterday I went to the (dreaded) Foreign Police to FINALLY get my long term Visa. And I got it. 1000kc and ten minutes later I walked out of there with the Visa in my passport. My fight to remain here (legally) is finally over. The Language School that tried to kick me out of the country did not succeed. I did. I am here, and I ain't going anywhere. I feel like I have been stressing about this for so long, that I won't know what to do when I don't have to look over my shoulder any longer.

To add to the list of things going in the right direction - I found a little flat to call my own. And, I stress the word little. TINY! But, that's alright. It is in the right neighborhood - more or less - and the price is right. The real bonus is that I don't have to live with a roommate. Unless I am living with my boyfriend, I don't want to live with anyone. I am a very solitary person, and I prefer to spend time alone. Not to mention I am a little anal and compulsive when it comes to dishes and kitchen things. But, we all have our little quirks, don't we?

So, all of the sudden everything in my life that has been worrying me has been resolved. I am in love, I am legal, and I found a flat where I can live alone.

Um, this isn't right.

A little voice in my head keeps whispering that to me. I keep telling that voice to go bother someone else, but it is relentless. This is the first time in recent history that I can recall the wind blowing my way. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I work so hard for what I want and then wait for that proverbial other shoe to come crashing down on my noggin? Right now, at this very moment I have everything in the world that i want. I am happy and content. And, for the life of me I can't stop feeling like someone or something will take it away. And that's just stupid. I know that - logically. And it pisses me off that I have let all of that negativity.

Right NOW - everything is good. I am happy. And, NOW is the only thing that really matters, right? The past is over and the future is something that you have no control over so...why not just be freaking happy in the moment that is NOW!? Eckhart Tolle says, "The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future — which, of course, can only be experienced as the Now". Makes sense, right?

I think I am going to stop waiting for the shoe to drop. Hell, I am just going to go barefoot.

NaNoWriMo - Wrap Up

The Goal: To write (and complete) a novel (50,000 words or more) in 30 days.

I did not complete the goal. I guess, technically I failed. But, I don't feel like a failure - not like I have the past 5 years. I wrote 35,000 words, not to shabby. My excuses? Well, I have a few, but I guess they don't matter. Not really. The fact is, for whatever reasons, be they good or not, I did not complete the task I set for myself. But, I am still pretty proud of my accomplishment.

I learned that I can still write. I learned that there are stories inside of me that are scratching at the door, pounding to get out. That is a revelation. I learned that I am a fairly good writer. I learned that I have some great friends out there who want me to succeed. Most people i know were (are) very supportive of me and my writing. Sure, a few people laughed at what i was doing and thought the whole idea was stupid. A couple of people never understood why I would put myself through something like that and smiled when I had to throw in the towel. Some people are never happier than when someone else fails. But, I tried to do something on my own - and that's more than most people ever do.

I think the real goal of NaNoWriMo was to push. I realized that I go through life pretty easy, never really forcing myself to be great and do great things. This forced me to think outside of the box, and made me think that I can do more. I can. I did. I have no excuses. You just sometimes need a push - a kick in the ass. I read a Craigslist post that kind of sums it up perfectly. A guy was looking to hire someone to be his arch enemy. He needed someone to push him and help him strive for more in his life - and I say do whatever it take to get er done.

So, thanks to all of you who supported me in this endeavor. You rock. And to all of you I say this: Go forward and find some really huge mountain (be it figurative or just a really big mountain, if that's your thing) and go climb the fucker. Break free from your mold and reach beyond what you know you can do and DO SOMETHING BIGGER.

GRAND.
ENORMOUS.
EXCELLENT.

Just stop settling for normal. You can do better than that, I know you can.

Word to Your Mother

I work with small people. Some might call them children, or brats or even scalawags - but I call them small people - Because, that's what they are. I also am lucky enough to call some of them my friends. Sure, I am strict and even yell sometimes, but I am also very liberal with hugs and high fives. My little friends like me. My goal is to EMPOWER not enable. When one of my small people comes to me and needs help with a tie of the shoe, or a zip of the coat they are told to try it themselves first. When one of my little munchkins tries to get out of an art project or clean up time by going to the bathroom or being lazy - they are reminded not to be lazy. Teach a kid to tie his shoes and...well...he can tie his shoes! I am proud to be one person who helps set boundaries for them. Some of them don't have any at all. NONE. They dictate to mom and dad what they want to eat and are allowed to talk back and be disrespectful. They play at the table and throw food - to which mom and dad reply, "Oh, well...they are children." My point exactly. Children thrive when there is a set regime and routine and rules to follow. it helps them feel secure in an otherwise scary world.

The enabling factor does not end with kids. It's everywhere. It is a huge crutch that a lot of people use and it needs to be broken. I know a bundle of twenty somethings that don't want to work - and DON'T - because mom and dad give them money. Some of them manage to hold a job for a month before getting bored and quitting, letting the parentals handle the finances. I know some couples that are all about the enable. Either he or she does EVERYTHING for their mate, making said mate lazy and useless. It sucks.

I guess I am writing this today because I am tired of watching people (mostly mom's and dad's at work) use love and selflessness as an excuse. You really love your kid? Teach them to be independent. It isn't right to DO everything for anyone. And, in the long run - it isn't about love at all. It is about the enabler feeling good about themselves. By trying to prevent crises or troubles or frustration, they are really just prolonging the problem. It's a motivation of fear and fear is the opposite of love.

So, mom's - dad's...? Think about how awesome your kid will feel when they are able to do things themselves. Think about how good you feel when you accomplish a task. Without asking for help. Feels pretty good, don't it? Cause really, which is more helpful - learning to do something, or having it done for you?

NaNoWriMo Update - The Halfway Mark

Today is November 15, which makes today the official half way point for NaNoWrimo. It is also the day that I take a step back from the computer I have chosen to chain myself to and ask myself, "What the fuck am I doing?" My "story" is going nowhere, my plot is split - I think I might be writing two stories - and to top it all off the soup I made seems to have little dough balls floating in it. Julia Child I am not.

I am receiving a lot of support from friends across the globe and my boyfriend thinks I am crazy. I am beginning to believe him. As I am typing this blog entry I am thinking that I could be using this time to work on the novel. The Novel! Who am I anyway?

What in the world led me to believe that I could write a novel in 30 days? I don't rightly know, but I am doing it. It is being done. It is taking every last ounce of nerve I have in my little body not to quit, but I am doing it. This is the year I don't quit. Follow through, that's the idea. Even if my character is boring, placid and lifeless, I will take her through to the very end. I just might kill her for fun. It'll make me feel better.

So faithful readers, I want you to know, that if I survive this month of torture, I will be back to my usual witty, bloggy self in December. I miss you.

Happy Anniversary

This month marks my 3-year anniversary here in Prague. And it doesn’t seem like just yesterday that I got off an airplane in the middle of the night, scared and alone in a new and very foreign place. It’s been quite a long journey. I didn’t know a soul here, and I was running away from what I thought was home. What I didn’t know was that I was running towards home. Prague is my home now.

When I landed here in October of 2006 I had short red hair with black highlights. I was insecure and frightened. I had no job and no friends.

My hair is not the only thing that has gone through a transformation.

I have been up and down here in Prague. I have been gainfully employed, and I have been broke. I have been fired and found work when I had too. I have had over 10 roommates. I have lived in great apartments and I have lived in rooms with no heat. I have made Thanksgiving dinners with all of the trimmings and I have spent weeks eating nothing but potatoes and ramen. I have spent the last three Christmases here watching the snow fall with other ex pats that could not afford to, or didn’t want to go “home” for the holidays. I have traveled to great European cities with not more than an hours notice. I have been blessed.

The biggest blessing has been the people I have met here. Since my very first day in Prague, I have had friends. I remember meeting Ben and Christina quite vividly – walking down the street from the Villa and headed towards the Norma market in Prague 9. Ben turns to us and says in a slight southern drawl, “So, ya’ll passionate about teaching?” We started laughing and a friendship was born. I met some amazing people in my TEFL course that will be close to me forever. Some of us spent 2 years here together before making our way to new adventures. I consider the staff at TEFL Worldwide Prague to be family. Even when I wasn’t working there, Cheryl and Terry (and Hana!) have taken the best care of me and looked out for my interests. For this I can never be grateful enough.

I have gotten used to some of the crappy things about living here – such as being pushed daily. Whether I am waiting for the Metro or waiting in line at the Albert, an old Czech lady will push me. I have gotten used to the lack of spices in food here, and have devised ways of making my own food flavorful. I know that service will not come with a smile and that it might not come…ever. I know that going to the post office in a former communist country is as close to hell as I ever wish to be. And I know that taking the tram in the middle of summer here requires nose plugs. (Still haven’t gotten used to the men and children peeing in the streets…and I won’t. Not ever!)

But for all of its faults, Prague is home. I live in a city with an actual castle! I have amazing friends here from all over the world. I look back at the girl who came here and I don’t really recognize her. I have learned how to survive anything and just roll with the punches. I guess the biggest lesson I have learned here is that ultimately in life you have only yourself to rely on. For the very first time in my life I am completely independent. (I realized that somewhere on a bus in the middle of Mexico.) I am living my life the way I want to. I make my own money and have fought to stay here. The friendships I have here are not due to convenience or locality – they are friends I have chosen. I came to this place three years ago a victim and I have recovered. I am my own person now. Sure, that person is a little quirky and maybe crazy sometimes, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Heck, without the sour the sweet just ain’t as sweet.

To all of the people who have helped me get to where I am I want to say thank you and I love you. You know who you are.

And They Lived Happily Ever After

Take one beautiful Princess and introduce her to a handsome, charming Prince. Let them fall in love. Then add an ugly, wicked, evil Queen who spites the Princess for her beauty or her lovely voice or just because she’s bored. Place the Princess in peril or mortal danger and let the Prince rescue her. The happy couple will live happily ever after. The end.

That ladies and gentlemen is the basic formula for a Fairy Tale. I have always loved Fairy Tales. Cinderella is my favorite; although when I was a little girl I was convinced that she was two different people - the maid, and the girl who goes to the Ball. I never said I was a bright kid…vivid imagination though. Cinderella would be a totally different story if she had a split personality. Sybill-rella?

I have read reports saying that Fairy Tales are harmful to children, that these stories teach a kid that being pretty is the most important thing in the world. These people claim that attractive women and men are more “socially rewarded” than unattractive people. And this is due to reading fairy tales. It is also said that women expect their lives to end “happily ever after” because of stories like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.

To this I say – poppy cock. I never expected to be rescued by a Prince, and a wicked Queen has never cursed me. Well, not that I know of. I have been giving this matter a lot of thought lately, as I seem to have taken the relationship version of the road less traveled. I look on Facebook and see many of my old High School comrades married and with scores of kids, cars, pets and other trappings of domestic bliss. They seem to be living happily ever after. But is there more than one way to live happily ever after?

Sure there is. People in Fairy Tales have perfect lives and perfect histories. Cinderella and the Prince never get in fights about money, and Rapunzel never gained twenty pounds or cut her hair off for ease and comfort. Real people, meaning you and me folks, we have imperfect lives and histories when we meet someone and fall in love. Think about it. What if Snow White had an ex-husband? What if Sleeping Beauty had a couple of kids before Prince Charming walked into her life? And what about the Prince? What if he was great looking but had a low paying job or his feet smelled really bad? This is real life and if you want to live happily ever after out here in the real world, then these are the kind of things that you have to deal with.

I haven’t given up on finding my story book ending. I just don’t expect it to be perfect. I expect it to be fun and difficult and joyous and exciting. I don’t “need” anyone to make my life complete or to (pardon the Jerry MacGuire quote) complete me. I am complete. We need a witness to our lives. In a relationship you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the boring things... the laundry, the lay offs, the great sex and the happy birthdays. All of it. All of the time. Every day. You are agreeing with your partner to notice their life, you are saying – “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.” (That was lifted from a film…)

So, I’ll take my imperfections and his as well. I’ll have a heaping portion of romance and reality in equal amounts and leave the knight on his gallant steed for some other girl. Because in my Fairy Tale the Prince loves the Princess and they fight and make love and dance and pay bills and have kids and well...
they live.