Why I am Divorcing Denzel

You expect cinematic crap when a movie comes out staring Jessica Alba, Jessica Beil, Sarah Jessica Parker - well, just about any actor with Jessica in their name. You don't think you are going to see a "Great" film when it stars Katherine Heigel or Eddie Murphy. If you choose to spend your money on movies with these types of stars, then you deserve what you pay for. Personally, I think you should cut out the middle man, pop a bag of Jiffy pop, pour a big glass of soda and flush your $10 straight down the toilet. But that's just me.

But when you choose to see a film with "Academy Award Winners" in them, you expect a little more. And you should. But there are a small group of actors wo know this and are taking advantage of you and your wallet. They are the deceptive actors, the actors who were ONCE great and are now resting on their haunches and basically phoning in every movie they make. And when they TRY, when they actually try to "act" the results are unbearable. I give you: Al Pachino and Robert DeNiro.

And I'd like to add a name to that list: Denzel Washington.

Will someone Please, PLEASE tell Denzel to stop? It's over man. Over. Every time I watch a new movie with him in it, I have to go back and re-watch "Glory" just to get the stink off of me. His newest venture "The Book of Eli" was the straw that broke this camels back. It is yet another post- apocalyptic movie about a lone wanderer who kicks all kinds of ass and tries to save the world...and SOULS! That's right kids - SOULS! He is the last person in the entire world to have a Bible and that makes all the surviving bad dudes mad...because they want the Bible. Hey, I didn't write it.

Somewhere along the way Denzel just stopped trying. He made a string of movies where all he did was don a pair of dark sunglasses and a black leather jacket and walk around like a bad ass. (Training Day, Out of Time, Man on Fire, Inside Man, Taking of Pelham 123...) My point is - he used to be a reputable actor, and now he gets away with total crap because of his celebrity. The man has made tons of movies...but...what have you done for me lately Denzel?

It gets my gander up because I like movies. I like going to movies and talking about them. And I am finding it harder and harder to talk about movies with anyone because people nowadays can't seem to differentiate the crap from the cream. When peoples expectations get lowered they tend to not aim very high at all. And if our "great" actors are giving us shit...what are we supposed to do? I'll tell you what - stop paying them. I have threatened this before, but I mean it this time. I will no longer go see a movie with Denzel Washington in it. It's not much, but unlike Denzel I put my money where my mouth is.

If more of our talented actors would insist on good films (like Meryl Streep) then I would be happy. Until then we are going to be stuck with Denzel Washington telling us to read the Bible. And that dear readers is not a world I wish to live in.

Mad (wo)Men

Last week, I decided to give into my curiosity and give the AMC show "Mad Men" a try. Aside from era in which it takes place, I really didn't know squat about it. I like the sixties fashions, so I decided to give it a whirl. The show is good, but it leaves me feeling - itchy - annoyed - uncomfortable. (Every character on the show is awful! It's like a Joyce Carol Oates novel.) It is a very accurate portrayal of what it was like back then: Heavy drinking, chain smoking, doing both of those while pregnant, womanizing and sexual harassment. Good times.

And yet, I am intrigued. I know how these things work - the female characters will slowly evolve and embrace what little freedoms they have and the male characters will continue to look cool and cheat on their wives. The creator of the show, Matt Weiner, views his show as Feminist. And I think I agree with him. Girls coming up today have no real idea of how this country (USA) treated women in the past. Mad Men shows how much creativity and cunning it took a woman to succeed in a world where she was a decoration/maid.

It has got me thinking about my own views on feminism, and how those views have evolved over time. My ideals started out the same as most young women who come to embrace feminism: Angry. I saw everything as "Anti-Woman". I almost gave a kid a beat down at a mini golf place for handing me a pink ball! (How dare he assume that just because i am a girl I would WANT a pink ball!) The idea was right, but really, we gotta choose our battles. Some things are not ever going to change. And why? Because not everyone agree that "some things" need changing. Took me a long time to come to grips with that one.

But, I studied feminism. I took the obligatory and useless college courses on the matter. I know what the male gaze is and I know every sect of feminism, but that doesn't really help now does it. Taking a class about something as diverse as feminism, and then thinking you know anything about it is like taking one cooking class and then trying to make Baked Alaska. It doesn't really work. You have got to get out there and really learn. So, I did. I read books. I watched movies. I talked to people and went to lectures. I joined NOW. I even wrote my college thesis on feminism- Horror Movies and Feminism: The Final Girl as Hero.

The problem with the movement is that there is no agreement. Some feminist look at Xena and Buffy and say: GREAT! Strong active women (and sexy!) fending for themselves. Others see the same thing a little differently: Over-sexualized women taking on a male, violent role.

I think it's fine to look sexy and kick ass. But that's just me. One persons "GURL POWER" is another persons "STEP BACK". I don't see how any self respecting woman can look at someone like Sara Palin and think - My God! That is what it means to be a woman. And again...that is where our problems lie, girls.

So, while watching Mad Men I began to think "Wow. We really HAVE come a long way." And, for some things we have. Sure there is still a boys club and a Glass Ceiling, but the ceiling is lower and no one takes boys clubs seriously anymore. They are full of old men who haven't changed with the times. But then I got to thinking about women as women. And I don't know how much evolution has really happened - and when it has, has it been for the better?

Let's look at another popular TV show. Grey's Anatomy. Here we have a show based on a self centered resident doctor whose commitment phobia has her "married" to her "boss" on a post it note. And we are supposed to find this adorable and forward thinking. The other women on the show are so man crazy that I simply cannot keep up. Sure, it is a soap opera, so sex is part of it, but really. Could there be at least ONE smart woman on the show? It seems to me that today, women are calling themselves feminist if they decide to sleep around and not get married. I don't think ONE woman on that show is a good example of feminism.

I don't think much has changed since the time of Mad Men. Men still feel trapped in their jobs and like they are the ones who have to bring home the bacon. Women still want to look good for their man. And there is nothing wrong with that. We like being pretty little things in nice packaging. Disagree? Look at all the make up you wear and buy and tell me different.

I guess my whole point here is a simple and old one: To thine own self be true. You don't have to sleep around to prove that you are a forward thinking woman, just as getting married or being in a relationship doesn't mean you don't care about women's rights. Being "single" doesn't make you anymore of a feminist than being married does. I think we have to start looking for a cultural balance before we get lost in the shuffle.

No, You're Schmoopy!

We've all been there. You get into a relationship and it just sort of happens: The Pet Name. And don't act all high and mighty, like you haven't participated, because I will call you "dirty little liar pants". It might be something as simple as Honey. Baby. Babe. Sugar. Love. Sweetie. Darling. - And that's fine, they are still pet names, but they are all perfectly acceptable and fine to use in public. No one is going to want to puke if they hear you calling your husband "Baby". No one will cringe when you open your mouth because they fear the word "BooBoo Bear" will come out. It might not embarrass you to say it, but it is embarrassing to have to listen to. We are embarrassed for you, and for poor "BooBooBear".

The Seinfeld Episode (alluded to in this blog post title) pretty much captured the essence of what not to do. Remember? Jerry and his girlfriend decide it is SO CUTE to call each other "Schmoopy" all the time, and in front of their friends. Their friends were so annoyed by this that they talked about having an intervention. Instead, George and his girlfriend begin calling eachother little nicknames and start talking baby talk. The point comes across.

Which brings me to MY point. Ladies and gentlemen, please take heed and please take this totally personally. If this sounds like you, then it probably is. FOR GOD SAKE, PLEASE STOP REFERRING TO YOUR SPOUSE AS "THE HUBS". PLEASE STOP CALLING YOUR WIFE "THE WIFE". Aside from the above mentioned nick names, the rest annoy us - us being society at large. It's not cute and it makes you sound pretentious. Your friends are to scared to tell you, but believe me they agree with me. Your spouse has a name - use it. It's cool. If you feel the need to call your "Hubby" or "Hubs" or "The Wife" something other than their name, then keep it behind closed doors. Really. Sorry to have to be harsh, but - it is for your own good. Okay, your own good and ours.

Because "The Schmoopy Effect" is deadly, and only you can stop it.

Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star

My Ukulele and I are getting on famously. Less than a week with the little bugger and I have it singing three chords! Three! They are the C, the F and the very difficult (for me) G7. I have even managed to change chords - sometimes seamlessly. I wake up in the morning, go to work, come home and pick up the ukulele and practice. Mine is a fine Ukulele, rich in history and a pretty good instrument from what I understand. My mom bought it many moons ago when we went to Hawaii. My grandpa played the ukulele, and now I do to.

My boyfriend came over last night and I decided to show off for him. I played the C, the F and then the G7 and smiled like I had just discovered the cure to something really bad. I was proud. I even strummed and showed him how I could change the chords, "Like a pro", I thought. I handed the instrument to him and he began to play. Really play. His eyes lit up as he played the three chords i just showed him, and then went on to strum and pick. Ten minutes later he was playing "There's a place in France, where the naked ladies dance..." He comes from a musical family. His dad is a musician, and so is his brother so he feels best when he is making music. And it showed. When music is in you, it has to have an outlet. And it got me thinking about being happy and what that means and if I am really, truly in pursuit of happiness.

I have decided I am not. I thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that I am not chasing happy. I am not pursuing it, or trying to catch it and make it my bitch. I AM happy. When someone says all they want in life is to be happy, they are already admitting defeat. (Think about it this way: Do you want something you already have? No. I don't want a microwave because I already have one.) When you say, "I want to be happy" you are telling the universe that you are NOT happy. And maybe, just maybe that is the reason you can't "get" happy.

I used to be one of those people who focused on the negative without even knowing it. Life was against me. All of the gods, living and dead, had conspired to make my life a miserable one. No matter what good I had, it wasn't. If I had money - it wasn't enough. If I had love - it walked out, and it was always HIS fault. Jobs? yep - but I hated them. I had a Chevy full of excuses as to why I should be felt sorry for, yet it never dawned on me that it was MY OWN DOING. My circumstances (good or bad) were all my fault.

Each moment of each day we make decisions, and sometimes we decide we just don't want to be happy. That's fine, but just make sure that you know you have other options. When you look at your wallet and see no money - don't blame the economy or your shitty job, or the fact that you don't have one. Love life in shambles? Maybe you want it that way. Some people thrive on drama and bad relationships. I decided a while back, after someone turned a very bright and ugly light on me, that I needed to change my ways or I really would be unhappy forever. And I did change. I started by taking full responsibility for every choice I made - good or bad. And it's awesome. I really am happier. Sure, my boyfriend and my friends make me happy, but they don't "MAKE ME" happy. I do that. And by doing that, I enable them to be happy as well.

The universe isn't out to get you. It's out to help you. It wants you to be amazing and creative and rich and cool and all of the things in life that are good. It just wants you to want it too. My ukulele taught me that. And now I am teaching it "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" - just to say thanks.

The Year We Make Contact

It seems that everyone with a blog must do an end of the year-New Year-What-Happened-What-I-am-Gonna-Do-Next-Year-Wrap-Up Type thing. And, looking back 2009 was (to quote Ol'Blue Eyes) a pretty good year. Or was it. Other than the Democrats taking back the white House with an historic election, all I can remember is a lot of death and destruction. Michael Jackson - the King of Pop, and arguably the most famous person in the world - died. As well as Farrah and The Swayze. Swine Flu hysteria hit. Tsunami's and plane crashes killed thousands of people. North Korea let us know they still have nukes and they will test them when they want to. And Oprah quit! What the hell 2009? What's with the doom and destruction? If the best thing you could manage to give us was 'Twilight Mania', then I say bring on the new year.

I recall celebrating last year with my friend Rob, and he said that 2009 would start off rocky, but end on an up note. And it was rocky. Personally, I had a tough year. I felt like I fought my way through most of it. I got fired. I had my work papers revoked. I had more than four jobs and that's just the work side. But, I think my wise friend Rob was right - it is indeed the end of the year and things managed to fall in line. I just wish they would have thought about doing that a little earlier than December. But, hey...who am I to complain. I am here, in Prague LEGALLY. I have a great job, great friends and a fella that I am pretty much crazy about. I also (finally) have a new flat to call my own. No roommate hassles anymore.

So, what's to look forward to in 2010? Well, I for one have some awesome plans. And by awesome I mean both 'cool' and daunting. First, like everyone does this time of year, I have had to take a look at my health. I am doing pretty damn good. I look about 10 years younger than I am (so I am told) and I am doing 'alright' where my weight is concerned. But I could be doing better. I will be 36 years old in a few weeks and I have to start thinking about the big picture. I don't think people smoke in the big picture, at least not when they are old enough to know better and don't have an actual addiction. I smoke about two times a week and I don't really ever feel the need to smoke. My boyfreind (who is a fairly heavy smoker) asked me why I smoke if I have a choice not too. I don't have a good answer so...I am gonna stop. Right after my Birthday.

I am also going to start eating (gulp) more vegetables. I hate vegetables, but if I want to continue looking and feeling hot - then I think I have to try and befriend broccoli and cauliflower. Dear lord, help me. I could stand to lose about 20lbs, and that ain't gonna happen eating gummie bears and beer.

My BIGGEST plan for 2010 is musical in nature, and I am pretty jazzed about it. As most of you know, I like to sing. I sing once a week at karaoke and each week someone says the same thing to me: You have an amazing voice! Are you in a band? (no) Well, you should be.

And I should be. My friends keep telling me that they would come see me, and I know I would do well. The problem up until now has been that everyone I know who plays anything here already has a band or two. No one has time for me. And, I don't play any instrument well enough to accompany myself. It was then that I decided to learn the guitar. I thought it was a perfect solution until I remembered that my hands are too small to make the chords (same with the piano). So, what's a girl to do? Well, my fella sent me a YouTube video of one of my favorite songs - Rich Girl, by Hall and Oates - and it was sung by a girl playing THE UKULELE! It was a "lightbulb moment". I wrote to my mom to see if she still has the one that we got in Hawaii 20 years ago, and she does! So, ladies and germs I am going to learn the ukuele and I am going to start having my own little shows here in Prague. Damn Straight.

Watch out 2010, cause I'm a comer.

10 Just Ain't Enough...

I like to make lists. And I love movies. So, what follows is MY list of the best movies of 2009.

Something to keep in mind - I live in Prague, so I don't get to see everything. I have watched some movies online, and others I have missed because I really want a good version. So, keep that in mind before you jump down my throat for not putting "Where The Wild Things Are" on my list. Okay? Here we go...

16. 'JCVD' - That's right, Jean Claude Van Damn, bitches. This is a sweet drama/action/comedy based on the real JCVD, but fictionalized. Just watch it.

15. 'Drag Me to Hell' - Sam Raimi gets back to basics with this funny, and cool horror movie. Evil Dead fans, prepare to be happy. And, It's nice to see a horror movie that's not "Horror Porn".

14. 'The Cove' - The Documentary of the year. Exciting, moving and devastating. I love you Flipper.

13. 'The Hangover' - I'm sorry, but I laughed my ass off both times I watched this. A classic. And, who says comedy isn't "real film making"?

12. 'Bronson' - Based on the true story of the worst criminal ever. He bad. Not for the weak of heart, but the acting is amazing.

11. 'Moon' - Didn't see it, did ya? Sam Rockwell stars with himself doing his best homage to 'Silent Running' AWESOME.

10. 'Sunshine Cleaning' - Bittersweet. And Alan Arkin. And lot's of blood.

9. 'A Serious Man' - The Cohen Brothers. Need I say more?

8. 'Away We Go' - Wonder what other families are like? See this. See this just for Maggie Gyllenhaal.

7. 'UP' - I laughed, I cried. I wanted a talking dog. ADVENTURE.

6. 'Avatar' - I know, I know. Everyone says it's awesome. Well, it is.

5. 'Julie & Julia' - Meryl Streep. Need I say more? Okay, how about BUTTER. Pure magic.

4. 'The Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans' - Nick Cage redeems himself for 'The Wickerman'.

3. 'The Fantastic Mr. Fox' - Wes Anderson did it again. Pitch perfect from start to finish. And, of course, a great soundtrack.

2. 'Up in the Air' - Deserves every bit of hype it got.

1. 'Inglourious Basterds' - Tarantino's Masterpiece. Who knew Nazi hunting could be so much fun!? I still haven't seen a version with English subtitles, and I am still proclaiming it the best movie I have seen all year.

GLEE!

When I moved here in 2006, I had already been off of T.V. for about two years - a thought that makes some people I know squirm with uncomfortableness. I grew up watching more T.V. than most people should watch in their lifetime, so I feel like I have gotten my fill. I didn't go through the DT's as some kid's do when they get here: HOW WILL I WATCH MY SHOWS!? I have actually seen people move back to America just so they could watch T.V. Anyway, my point is I am a little behind when it comes to the Boob Tube. Just last winter I watched The Soprano's. I had no idea it had ended. When I was in Mexico, I started watching DVD's of The Wire and got hooked on that. Then someone told me about Dexter and the rest is

a total waste of my time! I watched an entire season of America's Next Top Model! I watched Project Runway, Nurse Jackie and some Family Guy, some Simpson's and The Office. Sure, some of it is fun - but really - most of it is a waste of time. I liked my life a whole lot better before someone showed me how to "stream". I like books, and I am just not paying enough attention to them. Sure, I watch less crap than most of my American counter parts, but that is no excuse. I don't WANT to watch that much! I think TiVo is the devil, but that is another blog.

But then came GLEE.

Oh dear lord. My best friend hit the high C on the head when she said that the producer's of that show must have a direct link into my head and are making a T.V. show out of it. GLEE taps into that gay, LIZA loving, misfit, musical theater, sequin wearing nerd that dwells not very far beneath the bitchin' exterior that is ... me. I mean the first episode had the cast singing (in five part harmony, no less!) "Don't Stop Believin'"! I almost pee'd my pants when the AMAZING Kristen Chenoweth appeared and sang "Maybe This Time" from - CABARET! And, to top it all off, the season finale featured the amazing "Rachel" singing my karaoke standard "Don't Rain on My Parade" only to be followed by "You Can't Always Get What You Want". Now, if you have known me for a while, you know why this show is so made for me.

I know, you are thinking - what a total dork. And maybe you are right. I am a dork. But the lovable kind. This show makes singing seem as cool as I think it is! It even features a vile Cheerleading coach played by the amazing Jane Lynch. She plays Sue Sylvester - a woman who's aim in life is to bring down the GLEE Club. Here is one of my favorite quotes of hers to Will, the Glee Club director: "You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian."

And, I just found out the GLEE got a ton of nominations for the Golden Globes. This makes me happy. I have been a Musical Theater dork my whole life. I love show tunes and I love singing in harmony. I believe that music, and singing can bring out the best in you. I watch old MGM musicals and consider Danny Kaye, Judy Garland and Gene Kelly some of my favorite actors. The fact that Glee is out there, and that people are responding in a positive way to it gives me hope. So, I guess it's okay if I watch a little T.V. Just as long as there is some bitchin' choreography, pithy dialog and some awesome music.

Thanks Glee.